It’s that magical time of year again! Beach time! Whenever someone asks me, I always say that I love the beach. And I do. However, I should be more specific: I love the beach on vacation.

On vacation, you have a full-length chair to lie on with an adjustable back and a cushion, with as many towels as your heart desires, and there’s a guy who carries everything to wherever you want to sit. And he also brings a side table, and then he takes your drink order, and then he brings that to you too. And then when you get too hot, he brings you an umbrella for some shade. You don’t need to worry about overcrowding because only guests of the hotel are allowed and if you want to go inside, you just need to walk but 40 paces back up to your air conditioned room.

resort beach

I realize, of course, that is not “the beach”. That is “vacation”. The actual beach is a bit different.

Crowded-Beach

And it occurred to me on Saturday as Eric and I sat on the beach on our sand-decimated towels, both covered in such thick layers of sand and sun tan lotion it had begun to form an exfoliating paste of sorts- that we were far too old for this. The beach should have an age limit of 1 and a half years old. And here is why:

Top 8 Reasons Beaches Are Best Suited For Those Under The Age Of 1 And A Half

8.  You can break into tears because it’s so freaking hot out and you have sand in unmentionable places and nobody tells you that you’re being a bad sport.

7. You know that really warm puddle of water that happens during low tide? When you’re 2 feet tall you can sit in it and splash around in waist deep luke-warm water. Taller folks have to go in the ocean. The cold, cold, shark-ridden ocean.

6. You are never given the responsibility of carrying anything awkward or heavy to or from the car. That job is reserved for people with longer arms.

5. People do not roll their eyes when you suggest that they pull you on a boogie board.

4. And they do not give you death glares when you tell them to run faster while they’re pulling you on said boogie board.

3. If you don’t feel like sitting on the scorching hot sand, you can sit on someones lap. When they try to scoot you off because they’re getting too hot, you just get a little fussy and they’ll choose to be hot over you losing your sh*t.

2. If you hit a stranger with a ball or a frisbee, they just smile and chock it up to the fact your motor skills haven’t fully developed yet. They do not sneer and send you threats with their eyes.

1. You need not concern yourself with how you look in a bikini. Throw on your one-piece with the ruffles around the middle and you are good to go.

So, what are we doing this weekend, you ask? Why, going back to the beach of course! It’s summer, what else?

Are you good at beaching? (it’s a fine art to be able to plan ahead appropriately for a day at the beach)

Beach or pool?

70 Thoughts on “Top 8 Reasons Beaches Are Best Suited For Those Under The Age Of 1 And A Half

  1. Hahahaha…I just love vacations!
    carlotta recently posted…Monday’s Clarity!My Profile

  2. This is AWESOME! I think #8 and #3 are my favorites. I would amend #3 the following way:

    …When they try to scoot you off because they’re getting too hot, you just get a little fussy and they’ll choose to be hot over you losing your sh*t. And then they take you for Hawaiian ice. Mission accomplished.

    Since the only beaches nearby are creepy lake beaches, we’re rockin’ the pool right now. But I would give anything to be on vacation on a tropical island!
    Nicole @ Work in Sweats Mama recently posted…Why It’s Tough for WAHMs to Make New FriendsMy Profile

  3. I feel the same way….and to think I was the only one!! I used to drive 3 hours to the beach to go “lay out and swim” only to be miserable. I mean, sand does not come off no matter how hard you try! And re-applying sunscreen is the worst type of exfoliating treatment when you’re at the beach. I end up leaving frustrated and disappointed. Then turn around next week and do the same thing. :)
    Liz recently posted…So….An UpdateMy Profile

  4. You’re right- vacations are much better than just beach time! However, I’m so disparate for a beach that I don’t mind the sand/sunscreen combo, cold water, or carrying lots of stuff! (Spoken like a true prairie dweller!)
    Abby @ Change of Pace recently posted…Summits of My Life review: My version of the Hollywood crushMy Profile

    • oh its so true! im always so psyched for the first beach of the season, and then after that im like “ohh right, its actually not nearly as amazing as in my head. oh well, maybe next week…” :)

  5. hahaha, this is hilarious!! Love it!
    Brooke @ Running In Heels recently posted…Running In Heels Marathon Training PlanMy Profile

  6. “Taller folks have to go in the ocean. The cold, cold, shark-ridden ocean.” –> and goodness knows how many other creepy creatures. I don’t like being overheated (anything above like, 80 is too hot for me), but I also don’t like going deep into the water because there’s scary things in there. So I like the beach…as long as it’s like, 75 degrees, with a slight breeze, sun’s out, and then just chilling on the sand and reading. Side note, on the news yesterday there was a story about how there are 40 foot jellyfish that have been forced closer to the shore off of Laguna Beach…when I’m in SoCal for my half you can bet my butt I’m not going in the water.
    Beth @ Mangoes and Miles recently posted…Three Things ThursdayMy Profile

    • ugh i didnt see that about the 40 ft jellyfish! thats terrifying. i feel like EVERY summer theres something on the news thats like “and by the way, beach goers, watch out for the _____ this summer” and its usually something like mutant jellyfish, mutant hungry sharks, toxic waste or something of that ilk

  7. Eeryone should read this so thy PEOPLE STOP COMING TO THE FREAKING BEACH WHEN IT’S SHITTY WEATHER! Okay rant over. It’s just a huge pet peeve of mine as of late. I personally don’t like beaches either. Unless of course I’m in Mexico… Then all bets are off 😉
    Sarah @pickyrunner recently posted…And I kind of like itMy Profile

  8. HA!!! So I’m not ashamed to admit that when my co blogger and I were talking about how cool it was that we met two other bloggers, one of which lives in Atlanta, we decided that we would LOVE to meet you. You are freaking hilarioussss and I got mad at her because she used to go to Boston when her man was at Harvard and I told her she should have been a weirdo and hit you up. You crack us up!!!
    I am all about the beach because I’m the freak of nature that enjoys being covered in sand and testing my luck by swimming out in the ocean. :) Though, I have gotten stung by a jellyfish and that was shitty. Have a great day!
    Meghan @ fitnesscrEATures recently posted…Park Playtime!My Profile

    • Ahh i would LOVE to meet you guys!! and omg miss rebekah is going to hear it from me for not hitting me up while she was in the area!!! and btw this- “because I’m the freak of nature that enjoys being covered in sand and testing my luck by swimming out in the ocean” is making me LOL ahahaha

  9. I think I have officially mastered the art of beaching. I have been going to the jersey shore since before I could remember. I totally rocked many a one piece with ruffles, it’s essentially a rite of passage. I can remember going in the ocean as a little kid, and the water was really funky and it made my skin itch allll over so I whined until my parents took me home so I could get a shower and get rid of whatever infected my person and then we went back to the beach! That was my summer childhood. LIVING on the beach. Many a sunburn and jellyfish sting later, I still am addicted and can’t wait to go back!
    Her Happy Balance recently posted…Roasted Earth Veggies aka “Veggie Homefries”My Profile

    • hahahaha love that!! we went to the jersey short a lot when i was little too and omg i remember those jellyfish sooo well. i remember one summer the beach was glistening and we realized it was just COVERED in those suckers! doesnt stop us from going back of course!!

  10. Your posts are the best. Love this, and I needed a little cheering up today.
    I totally hate the beach – but that’s mostly because I’m super duper pale so I basically have to sit in the shade anyways. And it’s SO boring. Not a fan over here.
    Lisa recently posted…Mid-Year ResolutionsMy Profile

  11. I love this! You are absurd and Meghan and I were most certainly discussing last night wanting to meet you. Although, you’re much funnier than us – we’re just dumb – so you would probably be annoyed or bored to tears. As for beaching, I effing wish. A. We live in “hot-lanta” (hahaha) so no beaches around here and B. the weather has been crap all summer. This is literally the worst summer weather I think anyone has ever experienced. So, I’m jealous of all the sand in your swim suit and all the overweight dudes in speedos sitting entirely too close to you.
    Rebekah @ fitnesscrEATures recently posted…Park Playtime!My Profile

    • hahaha you are giving me WAY too much credit- these posts are about as smart as i get all day (which isnt saying much). otherwise im essentially laughing at bathroom humor and my own klutziness :) and omg meghan tells me you were making trips to Harvard- girrrrl next time you are in the area you HAVE to hit me up!!!!

  12. So funny yet so true! Ahh, to be a kid again. Love #3.
    I actually miss the beach on the east coast so bad! NorCal’s beaches are so cold! :(

    Have fun for me! Oh, and don’t miss any spots on your man with sunscreen this time, lol.
    makingthymeforhealth recently posted…Mini Salsa & White Bean LoavesMy Profile

    • Hahahah its so funny you bring that up- he was so nervous about that so i SLATHERED it on. in fact i probably should have eased up a bit. lol hopefully 3rd times a charm!

  13. Haha that is all so true! I complain about the majority of the things you mentioned here, when we go to the beach. Personally, I prefer to be sitting poolside or on the dock at the cottage. I hate dealing with sand, it gets in everything! So annoying!
    Christine @ Gotta Eat Green recently posted…Purple Cabbage Salad with Lemon Garlic DressingMy Profile

    • I knowww, i love it if i have a full length chair to lie on. it still gets everywhere, but its so much more manageable. if the only thing between you and the sand is towel, well then theres just nothing between you and the sand.

  14. Yup…so true!!! I love #1 and #8! Although, despite all that…I still like the beach, but NOT when it’s super crowded like in your pic. Vacation beaches are waaay better!
    Holly @ EatGreatBEGreat recently posted…A Little About Me – ABC SurveyMy Profile

    • they’re soo much better. luckily the beach we went to on saturday wasnt quite that crowded, but it was still packed. and then again who knows- its not like i saw the aerial view :)

  15. I love the beach…I love my beach at home, which is less like the one in your picture, but certainly does not have a man bringing me drinks. I think we should all take a girls trip and sit on a beach with lots of cocktails. Blog conference anyone?
    Natalie@fit.fun.femme. recently posted…Sitting at a Desk – It’s Worse Than You ThoughtMy Profile

  16. Bhahahahaha! I confess that, growing up in a land-locked state, I haven’t spent much time at the beach. The best beach I ever went to was in Tel Aviv, simply because a) it wasn’t insanely crowded, and b) the water was freakin’ warm. The Mediterranean in summer is like bathwater, and my gawd, it’s amazing. (It didn’t hurt that at the time, I was dating an Israeli dude who lived in Tel Aviv and was totally on board with lots of beach time.)

    That said, American beaches have been off-putting for me due to the massive crowds and, as you perfectly said, the cold, cold, shark-ridden water. I totally can’t deal with huge crowds (this is how I know I’m getting waaaay old: if there are too many people around, I just want to run away screaming), and there are few things I hate more than cold water. I’m definitely more of a pool gal, since they tend to be warm and quiet. We had a pool in our backyard when I was in high school, and I looooooooved that thing. I’d get an inflatable mattress and just float around sunning myself and reading all day. It was teh awesomez!
    Lillian @ Seize the Latte recently posted…{Currently…}My Profile

    • 1. that sounds like an AMAZING tel aviv trip! 2. i knowww, dont you love the Mediterranean?! were the beaches there rocky? the ones in France were all rocky instead of sand but the water was glorious. 3. the older i get, the more i view crowds as something to be avoided at all costs too 4. i wish i still had a pool in my backyard!!! 5. this was the most awesome comment :)

  17. I 100% agree with you on beaches. The only way I can really, 100% enjoy it is when I’m at an all inclusive resort for all the reasons that you just mentioned, plus the fact that there’s a snack bar 20 feet away where I can have all of my nachos, salsa and guacamole needs met. The actual beach where I have to carry stuff, bring my own food, probably can’t (legally) drink alcohol, and have to stay until everyone I’m with is ready to leave? Meh. I only go once or twice a season because I fee like it’ something that should be done every year, but I get over it quickly.
    Sam @ Better With Sprinkles recently posted…Fitness Lately.My Profile

    • ah exaaaactly. i’m always soo psyched for my first beach visit of the season and then i remember what its actually like. bringing your own food and questionably-legal beverages is exhausting, and its so hard to eat in direct sunlight when everything is covered in sand

  18. I’m 100% a pool girl. I hate hate hate the feeling of sand on my skin!
    Jenn recently posted…LatelyMy Profile

  19. This is SO true. Also, if someone builds a sandcastle and you decide to destroy it, it’s cute and not looked at as a rude gesture. I’m definitely a beach person because I just love the sounds and people watching! I could spend hours at the beach just watching everyone but never get bored!

    • oh i was doing sooo much people watching on saturday! in fact a few times eric was like “um, i think they’ve noticed you staring at them” i need to get more stealthy :)

  20. I grew up in South Florida where at any given location I was no more than 10 minutes to a beautiful, soft sand beach. So – this makes me (and Natalie) asshole beach snobs. Seriously…it’s bad. I lived in NC for 3 years and went to the OBX and Myrtle Beach. Does not compare to Ft. Lauderdale. And I refuse to go to a beach that’s crowded. What a jerk I am!

    You are hilarious…I want to be 1 1/2 again and wear my cute ruffle one piece.
    Sara @ Fit.Fun.Femme recently posted…Sitting at a Desk – It’s Worse Than You ThoughtMy Profile

    • ahh sounds like you grew up in heaven!! but yeah it must spoil you for the beaches in the rest of the country! oh well, if given the option, i would choose to be spoiled every time :) and i KNOW- i love those ruffled one-pieces. soo cute!

  21. hahaha….as you well know…the beach is my happy place…so weather permitting YES that is where I will be on Sunday!
    Michelle @ 3cheaprunners recently posted…Salads, Spinning & SquattingMy Profile

  22. Love the beach and will be there this weekend. I prefer the beach to the pool but end up at the pool too often because it is 5 minutes away and beach is 2 and a half hours away.
    Tom T. recently posted…Early Morning Workout & Charity Hockey TournamentMy Profile

  23. Also? You don’t have to deal with the whole Where Should I Pee dilemma. The ocean? Those gross, dirty, sandflea-ridden bathrooms? Scary.
    Carly @ Snack Therapy recently posted…I’m Still Rambling on with No Purpose Whatsoever, Sorry ‘Bout itMy Profile

  24. Love this post! I live by the beach, and yes, it totally is like an ant hill in the summer. I’ll admit that I like running by the beach, but I don’t like going to the Beach…I just can’t sit still and relax.

    • its hard to relax when there are soo many people buzzing around. i cant fully relax either. it must be so nice though to live by the beach in the off-season!

  25. Hahaha. I grew up going to the beach EVERY summer. It was my jam. I was a PRO. Now, if I get sand in my swimsuit I want to throw a temper tantrum. And how on earth did I lay out and play in the sun for HOURS when I was little? Holy sun burn!
    Sarah @ Sweet Miles recently posted…Basic SEO for Bloggers…Yikes!My Profile

    • hahahha i know- i was actually a pretty fussy child so i could not deal with sand in my swimsuit then and i can not deal with it now. the only difference is that now i try to hold in my frustration tears :)

  26. Andrea on July 11, 2013 at 9:29 pm said:

    Ha ha, I love this! If I went to beaches as crowded as that picture, I’d stay well away too.

    I’m a big beach snob too, I live right on the edge of the Great Barrier reef in Australia so I am very spoilt for choice. My idea of a beach visit is going to an island by boat where you are the only people there. I can’t wait until winter is over here!!

    • Ohh my gosh I am jealous of your place of residence! “My idea of a beach visit is going to an island by boat where you are the only people there. ” THAT is living :)

  27. And don’t forget the joys of being a kid at the beach- their hardest decision every day is deciding what flavor popsicle to pick ;)! Have a blast at the beach!!
    Khushboo recently posted…Friday Favorites: 07/12My Profile

  28. hahaha, this is great (and so true!!)!! Love it! :-)

  29. Haha these are all so true! I discovered last week that I feel like I’m too old for the beach now.
    Alyssa @ Road to RD recently posted…Like a Silent MovieMy Profile

  30. I am CRYING with laughter!! I honestly cannot decide which one is my favorite, but it might be the Boogie board one…oh my God, this blog post ROCKS!! Are you on Twitter? We would like to stalk you there!-Ashley
    thedoseofreality recently posted…Pinterest Nightmare #728: MeggingsMy Profile

  31. Haha I love this! I love the idea of going to the beach, and do love the ocean when it’s quiet but the pool is just so much easier. The sand that gets everywhere is so annoying!
    Nicole @ fruitnfitness recently posted…Pumpkin pancakes in the summer?My Profile

  32. HAHAHAHA this is amazing.

    I have grown up landlocked (Pennsylvania, what what!), but am soon moving to a very tiny island that is surrounded by, yup, BEACHES. I’m both excited and mortified. I bought my first bathing suit since, like, middle school.

    Maybe you can post tips for surviving the beach??????
    Alex @ Brain, Body, Because recently posted…Banana Brain, Checking InMy Profile

  33. I just got back from the beach and I wished I was young enough to do all those things mentioned above. Emphasis on the sand in weird places!

  34. You just made me wish I was a toddler again! :-)

    Love water, am a swimmer, but my favorite place is not a beach nor a pool: it’s a lake. :-)
    HappinessSavouredHot recently posted…Funny Friday: the 8 steps of motherhoodMy Profile

    • Oh i love lakes also! i should have included that in the options! i used to spend every summer at sleep-away camp on a lake. lakes are the best, i agree :)

  35. Haha, every single one of those could not be more true! Particularly the bikini one, kids have it so easy with these frilly, cute one pieces. And the sitting on your lap one too, it drives me mad when the kids I work with want to sit on my lap when I’m sandy/hot but I’ll take it over their crying.

    Kid have it so easy.
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