So, here in the northeast, we think its hilarious when southerners complain about the cold. Like how whole cities will shut down for a quarter inch of snow or how you guys will bundle up when its 69 degrees out.
Haha, that’s adorable.
Well, also in the northeast, we freak out about the heat. It’s been in the 90s around here for the past few days with a humidity index around 182 degrees Fahrenheit. (I’m rounding.) But some local news corespondent interviewed some tourists from Alabama on the news the other day about the heat- not realizing they were from Alabama- and they were like, “Heat? What heat? Ha ha ha! You guys should come visit us sometime.” Evidently, they thought it was rather nice out.
So, while Birmingham may come to a screeching halt in the snow, I come to a screeching halt when I encounter weather conditions better suited for Satan himself.
Top 8 Ways You Know The Heat Is Too Damn High
8. Being “punctual” means being 30 minutes late. Now normally, come rain, snow or Sharknado, I am ALWAYS on time, if not early. But how does anyone be on time for anything when it’s this hot out? “I’m a few blocks away, see you in a sec” means I’ve taken refuge in an air conditioned car/ store/ cold public fountain. See you eventually.
7. Looking presentable is relative. I have to walk to work in an exercise tank because I’m so sweaty by the time I arrive, to stay in the same shirt would be an assault on the senses of everyone around me.
6. Exercising outside is now a form of suicide.
5. “Swamp ass” is an acceptable form of time. “Hey, what time is the meeting later?” “Swamp ass.”
4. Outdoor dining is a form of torture. How do y’all eat outside when its in the 90s? “Oh but there’s a nice breeze,” someone always coos. No. Nope. Wrong. Oven hot air against my neck does not a nice breeze make.
3. Hydrated shmydrated. It’s impossible to stay hydrated when its this hot out. The moment I go outside I lose all my water through my armpits.
Don’t even get me started.
1. The impossible quest to dress appropriately for both the indoors and outdoors. While it’s 102 outside, it’s about 32 in office buildings. Ideally, I like my outside clothes to be conducive to running through sprinklers and my indoor clothes to keep my hands warm enough so I can type without pain. Realistically, neither of those end up panning out.
Since this heat wave is encompassing just about the entire continent of North America, how are you fairing?? Are you still exercising outside in these temps?
Southerners- do you even notice its warm out?
Northerners- I’m already psyched for fall, what about you?