It’s that magical time of year again! Beach time! Whenever someone asks me, I always say that I love the beach. And I do. However, I should be more specific: I love the beach on vacation.
On vacation, you have a full-length chair to lie on with an adjustable back and a cushion, with as many towels as your heart desires, and there’s a guy who carries everything to wherever you want to sit. And he also brings a side table, and then he takes your drink order, and then he brings that to you too. And then when you get too hot, he brings you an umbrella for some shade. You don’t need to worry about overcrowding because only guests of the hotel are allowed and if you want to go inside, you just need to walk but 40 paces back up to your air conditioned room.
I realize, of course, that is not “the beach”. That is “vacation”. The actual beach is a bit different.
And it occurred to me on Saturday as Eric and I sat on the beach on our sand-decimated towels, both covered in such thick layers of sand and sun tan lotion it had begun to form an exfoliating paste of sorts- that we were far too old for this. The beach should have an age limit of 1 and a half years old. And here is why:
Top 8 Reasons Beaches Are Best Suited For Those Under The Age Of 1 And A Half
8. You can break into tears because it’s so freaking hot out and you have sand in unmentionable places and nobody tells you that you’re being a bad sport.
7. You know that really warm puddle of water that happens during low tide? When you’re 2 feet tall you can sit in it and splash around in waist deep luke-warm water. Taller folks have to go in the ocean. The cold, cold, shark-ridden ocean.
6. You are never given the responsibility of carrying anything awkward or heavy to or from the car. That job is reserved for people with longer arms.
5. People do not roll their eyes when you suggest that they pull you on a boogie board.
4. And they do not give you death glares when you tell them to run faster while they’re pulling you on said boogie board.
3. If you don’t feel like sitting on the scorching hot sand, you can sit on someones lap. When they try to scoot you off because they’re getting too hot, you just get a little fussy and they’ll choose to be hot over you losing your sh*t.
2. If you hit a stranger with a ball or a frisbee, they just smile and chock it up to the fact your motor skills haven’t fully developed yet. They do not sneer and send you threats with their eyes.
1. You need not concern yourself with how you look in a bikini. Throw on your one-piece with the ruffles around the middle and you are good to go.
So, what are we doing this weekend, you ask? Why, going back to the beach of course! It’s summer, what else?
Are you good at beaching? (it’s a fine art to be able to plan ahead appropriately for a day at the beach)
Beach or pool?