It’s that magical time of year again! Beach time! Whenever someone asks me, I always say that I love the beach. And I do. However, I should be more specific: I love the beach on vacation.

On vacation, you have a full-length chair to lie on with an adjustable back and a cushion, with as many towels as your heart desires, and there’s a guy who carries everything to wherever you want to sit. And he also brings a side table, and then he takes your drink order, and then he brings that to you too. And then when you get too hot, he brings you an umbrella for some shade. You don’t need to worry about overcrowding because only guests of the hotel are allowed and if you want to go inside, you just need to walk but 40 paces back up to your air conditioned room.

resort beach

I realize, of course, that is not “the beach”. That is “vacation”. The actual beach is a bit different.

Crowded-Beach

And it occurred to me on Saturday as Eric and I sat on the beach on our sand-decimated towels, both covered in such thick layers of sand and sun tan lotion it had begun to form an exfoliating paste of sorts- that we were far too old for this. The beach should have an age limit of 1 and a half years old. And here is why:

Top 8 Reasons Beaches Are Best Suited For Those Under The Age Of 1 And A Half

8.  You can break into tears because it’s so freaking hot out and you have sand in unmentionable places and nobody tells you that you’re being a bad sport.

7. You know that really warm puddle of water that happens during low tide? When you’re 2 feet tall you can sit in it and splash around in waist deep luke-warm water. Taller folks have to go in the ocean. The cold, cold, shark-ridden ocean.

6. You are never given the responsibility of carrying anything awkward or heavy to or from the car. That job is reserved for people with longer arms.

5. People do not roll their eyes when you suggest that they pull you on a boogie board.

4. And they do not give you death glares when you tell them to run faster while they’re pulling you on said boogie board.

3. If you don’t feel like sitting on the scorching hot sand, you can sit on someones lap. When they try to scoot you off because they’re getting too hot, you just get a little fussy and they’ll choose to be hot over you losing your sh*t.

2. If you hit a stranger with a ball or a frisbee, they just smile and chock it up to the fact your motor skills haven’t fully developed yet. They do not sneer and send you threats with their eyes.

1. You need not concern yourself with how you look in a bikini. Throw on your one-piece with the ruffles around the middle and you are good to go.

So, what are we doing this weekend, you ask? Why, going back to the beach of course! It’s summer, what else?

Are you good at beaching? (it’s a fine art to be able to plan ahead appropriately for a day at the beach)

Beach or pool?

I’d just like to say for the record that you all are AMAZING. I laughed so hard reading the comments yesterday.

Next topic: Math is hard you guys. I’m about to illustrate why algebra I and algebra II were my worst subjects in high school:

Equation #1

Solve for X:

Blogging + Time = X

My answer: X = bag o’ money!

bag_of_money

Correct answer: X = This.

Woman sleepign on computer keyboard

 

Equation #2:

Solve for Y:

Being Hydrated x Being Well Rested x Y = Running Multiple Miles At Once

My answer: Y = A cute outfit!

cute-workout-clothes

Correct answer: Y = Being in shape.

woman-thumbs-up-running-300

Equation #3:

Solve for X:

Flax Seeds + Protein Powder + Greek Yogurt + (Kale)squared x (Ice)cubed = X

My answer: Gross?

Correct answer: X = Delicious protein smoothie!

smoothie

 

Like I said, math is hard.

I was actually a wiz at geometry, but algebra stumped me like a foreign exchange student listening to people converse in local colloquialisms- there was always an unknown piece of the sentence and I was constantly making awkward guesses.

What is/was your best subject in school? Worst?

Are you algebra-brained or geometry-brained?

Gooood day to you!

I have a confession today that I need to get off my chest. At the risk of offending, well, everybody, I must confess:

I hate Greek yogurt.

come again gif

Yeah.

Are you still reading? You didn’t just close the tab or faint or anything, right? I know you already read that in the title, but you probably thought it was a joke or something. But no. It’s real. Are you still with me?

nope

Let’s continue.

If you aren’t really familiar with the generally agreed upon likes and dislikes of the health & wellness blogging community- well, at the top of the “likes” list is Greek yogurt. So believe me when I say I have tried soo hard to like it. I have tried to like it by adding fruit, sugar, honey, candy and everything else you can think of to disguise obliterate all hints of the natural taste. I have tried to like it as one tries to deal with cough syrup- by holding one’s nose on it’s way down. I have even tried adding orange juice in attempt to liquefy it into a more palatable texture, meaning one that is less akin to wet cement.

But alas, all of these tactics have failed miserably. And I have finally accepted the fact that in addition to “female”, I am also a member of the minority group that will hereby be known as the “Greek Yogurt Haters Club” or GYHC for short. My best friend since high school, Elyse, is the other founding member. We didn’t even know about our shared hatred for this particular thing until the following conversation happened last week:

Elyse: So have you heard about Chobani Flips?

Me: Oh yeah, I read about those… Looks good…

Elyse: Yeah…

(silence)

Me: If I tell you something, promise to still be my friend?

Elyse: No.

Me: I hate Greek Yogurt.

Elyse: ME TOO!!

So our newly founded Greek Yogurt Haters Club will conduct all meetings at an undisclosed location and discuss such pressing matters as: “What happened to all the Dannon Lights?” And of course: “Cottage cheese really isn’t that bad of an alternative. Really. Try it with pineapple”.

greek yogurt haters club

Oh well, luckily we still belong to some majority groups as well. Such as the one that everyone automatically joins when you reach that certain age (either in years or maturity- whichever comes first) when you look at the too-revealing and grievously-unflattering summer outfit of a young hipster and wonder aloud: “What would her mother say?”

kirsten wiig snl

Alright, it’s truth time. No judgement at this blog. What do you strongly dislike that everyone else loves? (Or vice versa) Like the nuns used to tell us in Sunday School- it’s time for confession!

Happy Monday all!!

How was your 4th? Or if you aren’t from the US, how was your weekend?

I’ve been off from work since last Tuesday! I haven’t had that much time off in, well, it’s been a while. Christmas? Something like that.

hugh grant dancing

Anyways I’ll get more into my weekend activities later, because today I am guest posting at Food and Other Things.

It’s sort of a Bar Method 101 type post. If you’re maybe thinking of giving Bar a try, I gave some honest answers about how long it took to see/feel results and stuff like that. So head on over and I will see you all right back here mañana!