You know the old joke, why did the chicken cross road? Well, according to the following list of famous people who have been in the news or media* lately,** it’s not as simple as merely wanting to get to the other side.

*None of these people were actually contacted.

**Lately is a relative term.

So, why did the chicken cross the road?


Dikembe Mutombo: (blocking the chicken’s attempts to cross) “No no no he’s not crossing in front of my house”

A-Rod: “Ok so, IF he crossed the road, and I’m not saying he did, because I can’t comment on that right now- maybe he did it accidentally, you know? Like, someone at an anti-aging chicken coop told him to… I’m uh, I’m just guessing though.”

Winner of 2013 Crossfit Games aka the Fittest Man on Earth, Rich Froning: “Oh yeah I saw that chicken competing during the handstand walk across the road. He was a good competitor… but in the end, I got the W.” (Froning then proceeded to let out a carnal roar to cheers from the crowd)


Bill O’Reilly: “Because that ‘fraidy cat was running away from the truth!” (O’Reilly then proceeded to cluck mockingly) “Bock bock bock!”

Suze Orman: “Well because as everybody knows, the house prices are cheaper on that side of the road! Sure- the view is worse, sure- the backs of the houses are slowly falling off the cliffs behind them but that is one fiscally responsible chicken! I like him. Moving on.”


Chelsea Handler: “Because Vodka.”

Rachel Zoe: “Wait what? That thing with feathers that just walked by? That wasn’t a chicken that was just Annie Hathaway dressed in the latest Zac Posen. Die, right? It’s ah-MAZ-ing.”

Pippa Middleton: Because if one is on one side of the road, and one wishes to be on the other side of the road, one can get across that road simply by crossing it #pippatips #itsjustajoke #pleasedontsueme

Recipients of Temporary Asylum

Edward Snowden: (In broken Russian)-  “Well I don’t know “why” but I do know “what” road specifically that chicken crossed because the government was spying on him while he crossed it. And they’re spying on you too. Think about that next time you’re about to cross a road. I miss my girlfriend.”

Disgraced Political Figures

Anthony Weiner’s Ex-Campaign Manager, Danny Kedem: “I don’t care why he crossed the road, as long as his alias isn’t Carlos Danger, or any variation that’s vaguely offensive to Hispanic voters and completely ridiculous to absolutely everyone of voting age, I can get him elected mayor of New York City.

Anthony Weiner: “That depends, does the chicken know how to hard delete?”

Alright, that’s all for today.

Pick a famous person and make up your own “chicken” answer!

Or, what’s your favorite form of procrastination? :)

I’m exhausted today because I did Bar Method last night and subsequently couldn’t fall asleep til late. Do you work out at night? How do you go to sleep after??

54 Thoughts on “Why The Chicken Crossed The Road… According to Famous People Who Have Been In The News Lately

  1. To bring sexy back. – Justin Timberlake
    Nicole @ Work in Sweats Mama recently posted…Don’t Worry, Be HappyMy Profile

  2. Haha you’re awesome.
    The Anthony Weiner one cracked me up big time, oh man.
    Lisa recently posted…What I Ate Wednesday – Carb CravingsMy Profile

  3. How do you seriously come up with the stuff!?! Your mind is truly amazing!!! I LOVE it!
    Holly @ EatGreatBEGreat recently posted…WIAW #9 – Weekend HighlightsMy Profile

  4. Queen Latiifah – Because that chicken was a full figure girl and proud of it!
    Mothers – Because if those kids would do what they were supposed to do, I wouldn’t have to cross that damn street and raise my voice to get them to do what they were supposed to do in the first place!
    Fitness Trainers – Because the street was there… to tackle, to over-come and to conquer!
    carlotta recently posted…Tuesday’s Choices!My Profile

  5. Haha too funny! I can’t work out at night because I would be wired and wouldn’t be able to sleep after.
    Kelly @ Kelly Runs for Food recently posted…Girl’s Day FunMy Profile

  6. HAHA! If you asked Drake, he’d probably say “COLO” – chickens only live once 😉
    Khushboo recently posted…Why you’re not losing weight…My Profile

  7. Hahaha Chelsea Handler’s response is definitely true to her form. Very funny!
    Alyssa @ Road to RD recently posted…WIAW- Not FODMAP FriendlyMy Profile

  8. #RHONJ to get their money back?

    corny..I am so bad at jokes~!

    You’re hilarious!

  9. You. Are. The. Greatest. Person. I. Have. Ever. Met. I’m not going to come up with my own chicken because (1) I’m lazy and that requires effort and (2) I’m obviously funnier than you are and I don’t want to make you feel bad. (Complete jokes, you’re much funnier than I am.) My favorite form of procrastination is probably watching TV (such a typical American answer…)…especially bad, reality TV…it’s like a trainwreck. So much mess, but oh-so entertaining.
    Beth @ Mangoes and Miles recently posted…WIAW: Trying New ThingsMy Profile

    • oh yes, when im not making up ridiculous things and putting them on the internet, you can find me in front of some variation of a trashy, reality tv show.

  10. Hahaha, sadly, I laughed aloud at some of these! Pippa’s is so cute though! :)
    I lack the kind of creativity you so clearly possess so I’ll answer your other question. My favorite form of procrastination is to spend as much time as possible sleeping. :)
    Meghan @ fitnesscrEATures recently posted…But I Don’t Wanna…My Profile

  11. “…Chelsea Handler: “Because Vodka.” Ha Ha Ha! My favorite one.
    jessielovestorun recently posted…The biggest omelet I’ve ever eatenMy Profile

  12. HA! Loved all of these! I was definitely laughing at my desk this whole post :)
    Karen @ Runner Girl Eats recently posted…WTF?! WednesdayMy Profile

  13. I do silly stuff like this in my mind ALL the time, so therefore this is amazing!

    Okay here I go, Miley Cyrus: to go twerk on the other side and ‘pop some mollies’

    maybe I was listening to We Can’t Stop on my morning run. I’m already regretting it!
    Katherine recently posted…My Grandma’s Blueberry Pie!My Profile

  14. What a fun post – very witty!!
    I’m not funny or witty so no cool chicken crossings from me.
    I procrastinate most of my life now by reading blogs!!!
    Kim recently posted…Doctor Appointments – How Long Is Too Long in the Waiting Room?My Profile

  15. Hahaha this made me actually LOL :)
    Christine@ Apple of My Eye recently posted…Dark Chocolate Avocado TrufflesMy Profile

  16. I just laugh at That was darn funny with Weiner and Chelsey Handler..

  17. So, I realize this a while back, but this just confirms how brilliant you are. And the Chelsea Handler response = spot on.
    Sam @ Better With Sprinkles recently posted…WIAW: Eating With the Parents.My Profile

  18. I can never workout at night for the reason I would never be able to fall asleep. I already have a hard time as it is just to get my mind to turn off lol!

    Taylor Swift – “Because her boyfriend dumped her, so she crossed the road knowing they are never, ever, ever getting back together”.

  19. Spot on with your interviews :)
    literally was lol’ing…I need to stop reading you when I am at work…I keep getting funny looks
    Michelle @ 3cheaprunners recently posted…Growing Older But Not UpMy Profile

  20. You’re so funny! I love Chelsea Handler’s response! And A-rods…sigh.
    Sarah @ making thyme for health recently posted…Peanut Sauce Tempeh Lettuce WrapsMy Profile

  21. I love it! LOL
    Elle@thewaybyelle recently posted…50 Healthy Food and Exercise Comment Luv BlogsMy Profile

  22. Hahaha edward snowdon’s was spot on! How about Justin Bieber- “because yo, he’s an adult and he’s a talented artist and he’s just tryin’a make it in this biz…I want my monkey back.”
    Sarah @ Sweet Miles recently posted…Day 3 & Pinnacle MountainMy Profile

  23. Wow, you never cease to amaze me. I read somewhere that you’re planning to write full time and I think it’d be a great idea for you! Update us whenever you can to let us know how that’s going for you.
    Tara recently posted…To The Cardamones!My Profile

  24. HA HA HA! I would say Justin Bieber, but Sarah just did it and made me laugh out loud!
    Al Roker: Because my alarm did not go off. Thanks a lot chicken.
    thedoseofreality recently posted…Would You Rather: Have Your Husband Show Up In Meggings Or Wearing A Nubrella?My Profile

  25. Bill Clinton – “to get away from WH interns.”

    LOVED this! You are so creative :) recently posted…Wordless Wednesday – Everything’s Bigger in TexasMy Profile

  26. Haha, you’re hilarious, I’m so glad I found your blog! The Chelsea Handler one made me pee a little.

    Rob Ford (Mayor of Toronto): “You can’t prove that the chicken crossed the road, just because there is an alleged video of it jaywalking. I haven’t seen the video. That means the video doesn’t exist.”

  27. ….to add some salt to their oatmeal tomorrow 😉 *nose tap inside joke*
    Arman @ thebigmansworld recently posted…What I ate Wednesday IVMy Profile

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