You know the old joke, why did the chicken cross road? Well, according to the following list of famous people who have been in the news or media* lately,** it’s not as simple as merely wanting to get to the other side.
*None of these people were actually contacted.
**Lately is a relative term.
So, why did the chicken cross the road?
Dikembe Mutombo: (blocking the chicken’s attempts to cross) “No no no he’s not crossing in front of my house”
A-Rod: “Ok so, IF he crossed the road, and I’m not saying he did, because I can’t comment on that right now- maybe he did it accidentally, you know? Like, someone at an anti-aging chicken coop told him to… I’m uh, I’m just guessing though.”
Winner of 2013 Crossfit Games aka the Fittest Man on Earth, Rich Froning: “Oh yeah I saw that chicken competing during the handstand walk across the road. He was a good competitor… but in the end, I got the W.” (Froning then proceeded to let out a carnal roar to cheers from the crowd)
Bill O’Reilly: “Because that ‘fraidy cat was running away from the truth!” (O’Reilly then proceeded to cluck mockingly) “Bock bock bock!”
Suze Orman: “Well because as everybody knows, the house prices are cheaper on that side of the road! Sure- the view is worse, sure- the backs of the houses are slowly falling off the cliffs behind them but that is one fiscally responsible chicken! I like him. Moving on.”
Chelsea Handler: “Because Vodka.”
Rachel Zoe: “Wait what? That thing with feathers that just walked by? That wasn’t a chicken that was just Annie Hathaway dressed in the latest Zac Posen. Die, right? It’s ah-MAZ-ing.”
Pippa Middleton: Because if one is on one side of the road, and one wishes to be on the other side of the road, one can get across that road simply by crossing it #pippatips #itsjustajoke #pleasedontsueme
Recipients of Temporary Asylum
Edward Snowden: (In broken Russian)- “Well I don’t know “why” but I do know “what” road specifically that chicken crossed because the government was spying on him while he crossed it. And they’re spying on you too. Think about that next time you’re about to cross a road. I miss my girlfriend.”
Disgraced Political Figures
Anthony Weiner’s Ex-Campaign Manager, Danny Kedem: “I don’t care why he crossed the road, as long as his alias isn’t Carlos Danger, or any variation that’s vaguely offensive to Hispanic voters and completely ridiculous to absolutely everyone of voting age, I can get him elected mayor of New York City.
Anthony Weiner: “That depends, does the chicken know how to hard delete?”
Alright, that’s all for today.
Pick a famous person and make up your own “chicken” answer!
Or, what’s your favorite form of procrastination?
I’m exhausted today because I did Bar Method last night and subsequently couldn’t fall asleep til late. Do you work out at night? How do you go to sleep after??