You know the old joke, why did the chicken cross road? Well, according to the following list of famous people who have been in the news or media* lately,** it’s not as simple as merely wanting to get to the other side.

*None of these people were actually contacted.

**Lately is a relative term.

So, why did the chicken cross the road?

Athletes

Dikembe Mutombo: (blocking the chicken’s attempts to cross) “No no no he’s not crossing in front of my house”

A-Rod: “Ok so, IF he crossed the road, and I’m not saying he did, because I can’t comment on that right now- maybe he did it accidentally, you know? Like, someone at an anti-aging chicken coop told him to… I’m uh, I’m just guessing though.”

Winner of 2013 Crossfit Games aka the Fittest Man on Earth, Rich Froning: “Oh yeah I saw that chicken competing during the handstand walk across the road. He was a good competitor… but in the end, I got the W.” (Froning then proceeded to let out a carnal roar to cheers from the crowd)

Pundits

Bill O’Reilly: “Because that ‘fraidy cat was running away from the truth!” (O’Reilly then proceeded to cluck mockingly) “Bock bock bock!”

Suze Orman: “Well because as everybody knows, the house prices are cheaper on that side of the road! Sure- the view is worse, sure- the backs of the houses are slowly falling off the cliffs behind them but that is one fiscally responsible chicken! I like him. Moving on.”

Celebrities

Chelsea Handler: “Because Vodka.”

Rachel Zoe: “Wait what? That thing with feathers that just walked by? That wasn’t a chicken that was just Annie Hathaway dressed in the latest Zac Posen. Die, right? It’s ah-MAZ-ing.”

Pippa Middleton: Because if one is on one side of the road, and one wishes to be on the other side of the road, one can get across that road simply by crossing it #pippatips #itsjustajoke #pleasedontsueme

Recipients of Temporary Asylum

Edward Snowden: (In broken Russian)-  “Well I don’t know “why” but I do know “what” road specifically that chicken crossed because the government was spying on him while he crossed it. And they’re spying on you too. Think about that next time you’re about to cross a road. I miss my girlfriend.”

Disgraced Political Figures

Anthony Weiner’s Ex-Campaign Manager, Danny Kedem: “I don’t care why he crossed the road, as long as his alias isn’t Carlos Danger, or any variation that’s vaguely offensive to Hispanic voters and completely ridiculous to absolutely everyone of voting age, I can get him elected mayor of New York City.

Anthony Weiner: “That depends, does the chicken know how to hard delete?”

Alright, that’s all for today.

Pick a famous person and make up your own “chicken” answer!

Or, what’s your favorite form of procrastination? :)

I’m exhausted today because I did Bar Method last night and subsequently couldn’t fall asleep til late. Do you work out at night? How do you go to sleep after??

ACT I:

Sunday morning. Charlotte is in the kitchen, about to make a piece of whole wheat toast. She turns the dial on the toaster to setting #1 and pushes start.

Moments later, the toast pops up.

toast 1st setting

Charlotte (aloud, to nobody in particular): “This… this is not toast, this is still technically bread… Okay well, I’ll just turn it up one more little notch to setting number 2. Easy-peasy”

A few rather long moments later, the toast pops up.

toast 2nd setting

Charlotte opens the refrigerator and reaches for a yogurt instead.

ACT II:

Sunday afternoon. Charlotte and Eric decide to go for a run. They set out on a 4-mile route and use RunKeeper to track their progress. Throughout the run, Runkeeper continually interrupts Charlotte’s music to tell her how far and how fast they are going. Right away, she realizes something is amiss.

Charlotte (through gasps of breath): “I think something might be wrong with RunKeeper”.

Eric (panting): “What? I can’t hear you.”

Charlotte (wheezing): “I’ll tell you after”

Upon arriving home, Charlotte and Eric take a look at their RunKeeper mapped route and stats.

runkeeper screenshot

Charlotte: “Umm…”

Eric: “Hmm…”

They both collapse on the couch vowing silently to download a new app later, once they’re no longer so hungry.

ACT III:

Sunday evening. Charlotte and Eric decide to end the day by watching a movie on Apple TV.

Buffering-Issues

AAAND SCENE.

How was your weekend?

What modern conveniences aren’t all that convenient in your life?

 

(Alternate title: “What’s on my phone? Why I thought you’d never apps!”)

For those of you who read this blog consistently, you are probably aware that it is more of a fitness/lifestyle/ random musings about nothing in particular type o’ blog rather than a strictly fitness type.  I like to call it a fitness “fusion” blog, as it seems to work for restaurants who insist on combining two ingredients that have no business being on the same plate, and yet somehow turn out delicious.

So with that principle in mind, today we’re going to fuse fitness with technology, and you’re going to get a look at my apps.

I said apps, not ass.

Minions.

Top 8 Apps on This Fitness Blogger’s Phone (besides text and email)

8. Candy Crush

Candy_Crush icon

Because all fitness and no candy does not a happy blogger make.

7. RunKeeper

runkeeper-logo

Ha ha ha actually anyone who reads this blog also knows there is no real need for this one at the moment. But it keeps sending me notifications saying that “last week you thought this was a great time for a run”…  Stop trying to control my thoughts, RunKeeper.

6. Pandora

pandora-logo

Not only do I need music if/when I run, I sometimes need it when I walk long distances like the 2 miles from my office to the good Pinkberry. And I also need to be up on the cool jams because my very cool sister is getting sick of me asking her “so, what are the cool jams?”

5. Maps

maps app

Because I am forever getting lost. And while I mean that in both the philosophical and physical senses of that phrase, Maps only helps with the latter. And like Joey from Friends, I enjoy the feature that lets you be in the map.

4. WordPress

wordpress-logo

Because once you have a blog, the blog actually has you.

3. Bloglovin’

bloglovin app

Because I care about whats going on in the lives of bloggers I have never met as much as my own family.

2. Starbucks

Starbucks app png

Because paying for my daily grande venti non-fat blonde misto with my phone makes me feel like I live in the future.

1. Bar Method

bar method app

 

Yup, Bar Method!

 

bar method app

I actually just discovered this on Saturday and it thrills me to no end. The fact I didn’t know about this sooner utterly blows my mind. I’ve just been opening and closing it just to look at it. Natalie– did you know about this??

What are your favorite apps?

Which ones do you use most often (besides text and email)?