Soo we’ve all heard those “I take my coffee like I take my men” jokes, right? Normally we read those on the internet. Personally, I never heard anyone actually use it as a pickup line until I was at Starbucks the other day and a customer used it on a barista. (He creatively switched it from how I like my men to how I like my women).

I’m not sure if they already knew each other and it was a joke or if he was drunk (it was World Series Parade Day) or if the dude just had major cojones, I’m not sure. But it got me thinking of all the other, more useful ways you can tell someone about your beverage preferences.  If you use the following analogies, the person you’re talking to will not only learn how you take various beverages, but also an interesting tidbit about your hopes, dreams, taste in literature, etc.

Top 8 Ways to Take Your Various Hot Beverages

8. I take my coffee like I take my films… noir.

7. I take my creamer like I take my Irish/Italian genes… half & half

6. I take my cappuccino like I take my Wall Streeters… with 1%

5. I take my coffee like I take my grass… I pass every time, I prefer tea

4. I take my coffee like I take my diplomacy… Irish

irish diplomacy

3. I take my mochas like I take my movie villains… white & rich

Trading-Places

2. I take my tea like I take my Valley High… Sweet

sweet valley high cover

1. I take my gingerbread lattes like I take my shoes… 2 pumps

Louboutin Pumps

 

So how do you take your favorite beverage?

Whats the most ridiculous pickup line you’ve ever heard?

What’s your favorite 80s movie or book series?

Welcome friends and nature lovers to Nature Talk, where we talk nature, to nature. Just because you live in a city, there’s no excuse not to enjoy all the natural wonder around you. On today’s edition, we’re going to talk to a pigeon and a squirrel.

Thank you for joining me. I’m your host, Charlotte G, and I’m currently walking to the gym. It seems that we have come upon a whole flock of pigeons gathered around a statue eating stuff off the ground. It is our lucky day!

Me: Oh hello pigeon! Looks like you are eating bread crumbs! How are those bread crumbs?

(Kid at the other end comes running up behind the pack causing dozens of frightened pigeons to fly away)

Me: (ducking for cover)

Pigeon: (poops on the back of my head)

please-stand-by

Welcome back friends. I cleaned the pigeon poop out of my hair at the gym, had a mighty fine workout, and now I’m walking home via the park. I think I’ll stop by this park bench to stretch my hamstrings a bit more… Is that a rustling I hear behind me?

(More rustling in the bushes)

Me: Oh hello squirrel! Are you gathering nuts for the winter?

(While still stretching, I look through my legs upside down at the small rodent emerging from the brush)

Squirrel: (Turns out to be a rat)

Me: (Screaming like a banshee)

DRAMATIC RE-ENACTMENT:

rat

(I run away in the manner everyone does when trying to get away from a rat- quickly, with knees high, and arms flailing)

This has been Nature Talk with Charlotte G. Join us next time when we talk to a cockroach we find in the laundry room.

 

Do you live in the city, suburbs or country?

Are you an animal person?

Are you afraid of rodents?

Whats your biggest phobia?