Soo we’ve all heard those “I take my coffee like I take my men” jokes, right? Normally we read those on the internet. Personally, I never heard anyone actually use it as a pickup line until I was at Starbucks the other day and a customer used it on a barista. (He creatively switched it from how I like my men to how I like my women).

I’m not sure if they already knew each other and it was a joke or if he was drunk (it was World Series Parade Day) or if the dude just had major cojones, I’m not sure. But it got me thinking of all the other, more useful ways you can tell someone about your beverage preferences.  If you use the following analogies, the person you’re talking to will not only learn how you take various beverages, but also an interesting tidbit about your hopes, dreams, taste in literature, etc.

Top 8 Ways to Take Your Various Hot Beverages

8. I take my coffee like I take my films… noir.

7. I take my creamer like I take my Irish/Italian genes… half & half

6. I take my cappuccino like I take my Wall Streeters… with 1%

5. I take my coffee like I take my grass… I pass every time, I prefer tea

4. I take my coffee like I take my diplomacy… Irish

irish diplomacy

3. I take my mochas like I take my movie villains… white & rich


2. I take my tea like I take my Valley High… Sweet

sweet valley high cover

1. I take my gingerbread lattes like I take my shoes… 2 pumps

Louboutin Pumps


So how do you take your favorite beverage?

Whats the most ridiculous pickup line you’ve ever heard?

What’s your favorite 80s movie or book series?

34 Thoughts on “Top 8 Ways to Take Your Various Hot Beverages

  1. I take my coffee like the time I get up in the morning….still black!
    carlotta recently posted…The Good Old Days!My Profile

  2. Okay, I was drinking *my* morning coffee reading this and I almost choked with laughter when I got to #6 I take my cappuccino like I take my Wall Streeters… with 1%” Bwahahahahahahahahahahahaha

    I take my coffee like I take my alarm clock–first thing in the morning and every single day. –Lisa

  3. I need to use every single one of these just to see what happens! Hilarious!!! Oh and Sweet Valley High??? OMG I haven’t seen one of those since I saw 100 gracing the shelves of my bedroom bookcase when I was 10. Little did I know I would someday HAVE twins…who would be nothing like my preteen heroes! Damn you Francine Pascal!
    Allie recently posted…Leg Blaster – Workout Video!My Profile

  4. I don’t know where to start, Charlotte! This whole list is AWESOME! Love the reference to Sweet Valley High. I graduated to those books after the Babysitters Club. I’m not a coffee or tea drinker, but after this, I need to get my toosh to Starbucks and order a mocha!
    Nicole @ Work in Sweats Mama recently posted…Mommy Math at Science of ParenthoodMy Profile

  5. Aaaaand now I want coffee. I’m going to have to hit up Starbucks today and see if they FINALLY have the red cups. I went in as soon as I started seeing people posting them on IG and what not, and they didn’t.have.them. Cue sad face. Why are we so behind the times up here in Canadaland?
    Amanda @ .running with spoons. recently posted…. WIAW … a [full] day of eats .My Profile

  6. i take my coffee like i take sex: double double. for (canadian) tim hortons coffee drinkers, you know what this means.


    Vodka and Soda
    kathy @ vodka and soda recently posted…things i ain’t got time forMy Profile

  7. Hahahh I don’t even know what I would do if someone tried to pick me up like that. I’m going to copy you (kind of) and say that I like my coffee like I like my men…tall, dark and rich 😉
    Erin @ The Almond Eater recently posted…OOTD: Jean on Jean on JeanMy Profile

  8. Hilarious and I love the sweet valley reference, too! Did you ever watch their tv show?!
    I can’t believe people still use cheesy pick up lines for real instead of as a joke! Last year a colleague and I were scoping out an outdoor event venue. A total creeper came up and offered me a rock that he had painted to say cute girls rock. It was super awkward to begin with but even more so in front of a coworker!
    Abby @ Change of Pace recently posted…Change the pace – the magic of the runchMy Profile

  9. So, I’m not a coffee drinker. I know…crazy, right!?! But, it’s just not my thing. I much prefer tea and I’m pretty boring and drink it plain.
    Holly @ EatGreatBEGreat recently posted…It’s All About AttitudeMy Profile

  10. Lady….you are hilarious! And so clever :)

    Fav. 80s movie: Uncle Buck, The Breakfast Club…there’s way too many actually.

    coffee: I do a flavored creamer. Or Pumpkin with skim from Dunkin.

    I died at #3.
    Dana recently posted…My quote for MondayMy Profile

  11. These were hilarious! I think that I would bust out laughing if I ever heard someone actually try that first line!!! I hope it happens one day – maybe if I start hanging out around the local coffee shops…
    Kim recently posted…Memory – Can you Remember what you Forgot?My Profile

  12. We all know I’m number 5 on that list 😉 oh goodness, Sweet Valley High. I adored those books when I was young!
    Sam @ Better With Sprinkles recently posted…Dani Lancing: When Partying Becomes a Problem.My Profile

  13. HAHHA OMG…loving them all, especially the Sweet Valley reference! Girl are you tired because you’ve been running through my mind all day ;)!
    Khushboo recently posted…Workout Wednesday: Staying motivated…My Profile

  14. First – those shoes….I cannot justify spending the money, but you know exactly the way to my heart : Second – 1% HILARIOUS and passing the grass! I would love to spend a day in your head when you come up with these things. I will now never react the same when some poor waitress/barista asks me how I take my coffee…personally, I take it like I take my men…strong and creamy :) (I honestly have no idea what that means!)
    natalie @ recently posted…Are You There Motivation? It’s Me NatalieMy Profile

  15. I take my coffee like I dress- simple, all black with a little spice on top (cinnamon that is).

    Love these as always 😉
    olivetorun recently posted…There’s Something About Wisconsin [Giveaway Winner Announced]My Profile

  16. I love em’ all, the white rich
    I love my coffee, strong and I can keep going, I am gonna keep this clean..;)
    Ash-foodfashionparty recently posted…RAVA-NUTS LADDU – HAPPY DIWALIMy Profile

  17. LOL. The pumps got me! Mine would only be one pump, though, so I’d be walking around like a peg leg. Maybe people would assume I have a lot of “swagger”?
    Lauren recently posted…i mustache you a question…My Profile

  18. HA, hilarious! I take my coffee black, but I can’t think of a funny thing to add to that without potentially being inappropriate, so I’ll leave that up to you :)
    Sarah @ Sweet Miles recently posted…Marathon Training – 14 MilesMy Profile

  19. Goonies! That may be the best 80s movies ever made. Anything by John Hughes runs a close second.
    Tom T. recently posted…The Treadmill GrindMy Profile

  20. I take my coffee like…not (not a coffee fan)

    favorite 80s movie – Dirty Dancing
    Michelle @ 3cheaprunners recently posted…Getting WetMy Profile

  21. Oh the nostalgia with #2! I read all of those books till I was ‘liking’ all over the place.

    I take my tea like my Spanish lovers: hot, full of life and with a touch of cream. 😉
    BabsJo recently posted…The Benefits of Practicing Yoga from the Moment You Leave ClassMy Profile

  22. You had me at number ten. Coffee and film references – you made my day! 😀

    I’m about to go have a coffee before work, and cannot think of a way to order a macchiato laced with innuendo? Suggestions? 😛

    The best descriptor (although not very hilarious like yours) comes from Kyle McLaughlin in ‘Twin Peaks’. He takes his coffee ‘as black as the sky on a moonless night’. When he says that = chills :)
    Mitchell recently posted…Flavor of The (Last Two) Months: Falafel LoafMy Profile

  23. Dying. How do I possibly top this post with a comment?
    Davida @The Healthy Maven recently posted…Pumpkin Snickerdoodles {Gluten-Free}My Profile

  24. OMG, I love this! My favorite beverage is now off-limits for me (sad face), but I did love me a Pumpkin Spice Latte back in the day. I believe I once gazed lovingly at one I’d just ordered and said to it, in total sincerity, “You complete me.”

    Worst pick up lines? Sweet fancy Moses, where do I begin with that? There are too many to count, but they mostly came from misguided Israeli men when I lived in Jerusalem. Telling me that my Hebrew is horrible, but that you can tutor me and make it better, is not endearing. Sorry, dude.
    Lillian @ Seize the Latte recently posted…Yoga, Sans the ClassMy Profile

  25. 21 Jump street, the A team, MacGyver, The Cosby Show, Growing Pains, Beauty and the Beast, Charles in Charge…oh my the list of 80’s tv shows seems endless…reruns of these shows and coffee fueled many all nighters during my college years!
    Awesome post Charlotte!
    Shashi @ recently posted…Hearty Everything-But-The-Kitchen-Sink Soup!My Profile

  26. Hahaha these are so random but so funny! I’m writing these down. Priceless.
    Lauren @ ihadabiglunch recently posted…What I Ate WednesdayMy Profile

  27. Hahaha love this list! So creative 😀
    Happy to find your blog.
    Maureen@Scoops of Joy recently posted…Yes, Mommy Have A Boyfriend NowMy Profile

  28. You need to be crowned the blog world’s Tina Fey- I swear best lines ever. I would so use some of them next time!

    I just came off sculling 3 coffees before my exam and I’m wired as. I should just order lattes and be like…make me my skin complexion.
    Arman @ thebigmansworld recently posted…He thinks/She thinks- The Comparison trap with bloggingMy Profile

  29. Haha, oh Charlotte.
    All this does, besides make me laugh, is want to curl up under my covers with a movie and a starbucks gingerbread latte.
    Very much NOT appreciated, considering I have a hellish day of work in front of me.
    How ruuuude. HA! <3
    Have a beautiful weekend my lovely friend!
    Meghan @ fitnesscrEATures recently posted…Who Does That?My Profile

  30. I like my coffee like I like my men… black, strong, and bitter. (Oook this one is awful, but it’s a classic between my mom and I.)

    I like my girls like I like my milk,..white and 2% fat.

    Wowwww, I really look racist now don’t I, but I’m doing it for the joke! On an off note, I’m totally into Almond Milk so the milk one isn’t exactly true to life! Love your random funny posts girl! You’re a ray of light in my busy schedule!
    Katherine recently posted…Little School Retreats With Big Impacts.My Profile

  31. Most ridiculous pick-up line ever used on myself: “You must be Pepsi, ’cause I gotta have ya!” I’ve never been so insulted in my life… who the fuck drinks PEPSI? ;P

  32. i dont drink coffee – but i do drink tea, and i dont drink it sweet or cold (ew) but sweet valley high!!!! love.
    Kristen recently posted…Friday FavesMy Profile

  33. HA I love this, especially because I work at Starbucks. I could totally get away with using these.

  34. Pretty clever!
    Jocelyn @ Peace Love Nutrition recently posted…The hardest 45 minutes of my dayMy Profile

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