As a city dweller for the past 10 years, it’s become quite obvious to me that many people do not know how to pick the right pet for their lifestyle. All the evidence I have collected over the last decade has led me to the conclusion that our current system of humans-picking-the-pets doesn’t work.
So for Thinking Out Loud, I’ve drafted up the Pet’s Guide to Choosing the Right Owner. If you are a pet, it would be wise to figure out just what kind of pet you are (or strive to be), and then choose your owner from there.
The following quiz should prove useful.
8. To determine whether you’re a city, suburb or country pet, ask yourself whether you prefer walking on:
D. Subway platforms
7. Next, ask yourself where you most enjoy doing your business:
A. On trees
B. On picket fences
C. In privacy
D. On people waiting at crosswalks
6. To determine whether you’re of the high or low energy persuasion, ask yourself if you prefer:
A. Running with the wind in your face
B. Walking with a slight breeze in your fur
C. Sitting, potentially with a fan on nearby for temperature control
D. Strutting around for a bit, getting winded and insisting on being carried home.
5. Additionally, ask yourself when you most enjoy exerting this energy:
A. All day long
B. Once a day- not picky what time.
C. In the middle of the night, and if everybody in the house wakes up in a panic as you run from room to room, all the better.
D. Seasonally- often in warm seasons, almost never in cold ones.
4. In the event you espy a squirrel, do you:
A. Chase it as fast as you can
B. Kinda make an effort but tucker out quickly. Maybe bark for good measure.
C. Ignore it entirely
D. Not mess with it since it’s about the same size as you, and you know your limits
3. When it comes to dining do you prefer your food:
A. On the floor, ground, bowl, off the dinner plates of babes, wherever.
B. In a bowl
C. In a ramekin
D. In treat form
2. It is also of utmost importance to determine whether you like children. Do you prefer the company of:
A. Short people who drool
B. Medium people who use slang words like “hashtag” and “homework” and roll their eyes at grown up people
C. Grown up people who use grown up words like “business meeting” and “politics” and roll their eyes at young people
D. Grown up people who use important words like “blogging” and “happy hour” and roll their eyes at everything
1. And finally, do you feel most productive after:
A. Running long distances with your owner
B. Running around with other dogs
C. Running away from other living things
D. Running errands in your owner’s purse
If you answered mostly As: you are obviously a very athletic, high energy dog. Choose an athletic, high energy family.
If you answered mostly Bs: You may not be as athletic nor high energy as you think. Choose a family that respects your down time.
If you answered mostly Cs: You are most definitely a cat. You may ignore all these tips because you will think your owner a crazy fool regardless.
If you answered mostly Ds: You are either a quirky dog or a miniature pig, and may come live with me.
Questions for the humans:
Are you an animal person?
Do you have a pet? What kind? What’s his/her name?
Does your pet’s energy level fit that of your family?