Once upon a time (and in some parts of the world today) it was believed that a literate woman was a ruined woman. To this I respond– it depends what she chooses as reading material.

Based on the current climate of women’s interest magazines I fear this may have been a self-fulfilling prophecy. I, for one, feel intellectually ruined every time I walk by a newsstand.

To piggyback off Kelly and Jen from last week, the headlines, content and photographs are, at best– dumb and at worst– unhealthy.

Let’s take a look at the unmarketable truth:

On Female Empowerment:

While wearing a trendy shade of lip gloss will certainly brighten a face, it does not an empowered woman make. To become more empowered I suggest taking up interest in the sciences.

While wearing a little blush will certainly brighten the face, it does not an empowered woman make. To become more empowered I suggest taking up interest in the sciences.

 

On Intelligence:

While being wittier than a piece of chocolate cake is an admirable trait, it does not a smart woman make. To become smarter I suggest taking up interest in the humanities.

While being wittier than a piece of chocolate cake is an admirable trait, it does not a smart woman make. To become smarter I suggest taking up interest in the humanities.

 

On Strength:

While starving oneself is commendable when major surgery is booked for the following day, it does not a strong a woman make. To become stronger I suggest lifting heavy things.

While starving oneself is always a good idea before major surgery, it does not a strong a woman make. To become stronger I suggest lifting heavy things.

 

On Motherhood:

While dropping baby weight quickly is fine so long as it's not the actual infant from your arms, it does not a good mother make.  To become a good mother I suggest being attentive to one's offspring.

While dropping baby weight quickly is fine so long as it’s not the actual infant from your arms, it does not a good mother make. To become a good mother I suggest being attentive to one’s offspring.

 

On Beauty:

While sticking ones finger in one's mouth is understandable if there's food caught in a lower incisor, it does not a beautiful woman make. To be more beautiful I suggest being kind.

While sticking one’s pinky in one’s mouth is understandable if there’s food caught in a lower incisor, it does not a beautiful woman make. To be more beautiful I suggest being kind.

 

On Happiness:

While being slim is certainly good for fitting through narrow crevices and crawl spaces, it does not a happy woman make. To be happier I suggest being thankful.

While being slim is certainly good for fitting through narrow crevices and crawl spaces, it does not a happy woman make. To be happier I suggest being thankful.

 

On Being Interesting:

(No such article has ever appeared in a women’s interest magazine)

While careful and deliberate cultivation of a quirk may certainly win you points with some, it does not an interesting woman make. To be more interesting I suggest taking genuine interest in something other than oneself.

 

Questions:

Favorite magazine? Least favorite magazine?

From where do you get most of your health and fitness advice? (Blogs, mags, books, other?)

The same 3 headlines appear on almost every women’s interest magazine, every month, in different words– name those 3 headlines!

 

 

Happy Rosh Hashana, friends! (Or, as my friend Elyse taught me years ago, L’Shana Tova!)

And happy Thinking Out Loud Thursday! Thank you all so much for your helpful comments on dealing with Writer’s Block on Tuesday’s post. I probably wouldn’t have been able to pull this post together without your inspiring words :)

While I normally do TOL in Top 8 List style, today my thoughts are rather long winded, so I cut the list down to 3 things for the sake of everyone’s attention spans.

Thinking-Out-Loud2

Let’s continue.

Thought #1: Last year I recounted a conversation I had with my mother, and I think it’s time the internet once again bear witness to the latest exchange:

Yesterday morning my mother called me before work.

Upon hearing me mumble something sleepy resembling “hello” into the phone, she replied “good moooorning” in an upbeat sing-songy voice, which is nothing out of the ordinary.

While I buried my face further into my pillow she continued in song, inquiring about my well-being and agenda for the day before casually mentioning, in the key of C, that “today is Sing Your Words Day.”  

Sensing my reluctance to participate she quickly added: “As is customary the day before Rosh Hashanaaaa.”

While I had the nagging suspicion she was making this up, I went right along with it because while I may be many things, ‘defier of imaginary traditions’ is not one of them.

So I sang the sentence: “I don’t remember doing this last year…”

To which she sang back: “Well then, think harder dear…”

And then we harmonized on the “dear” until I needed another sip of coffee.

high notes

 

 

Thought #2:  In other news, I regret to inform you all that Boston rats seem to have lost their sense of urgency.

As I approached a rat on the sidewalk yesterday evening expecting it to scamper, as rats do, I was disappointed that this rat had taken it upon himself to disprove the old adage that it is more afraid of me than I am of it.

After a prolonged staring contest, the rat blinked first and sauntered shamelessly back into the bush from whence it came.

This leads me to the conclusion that rats have forgotten their place in society, which I blame entirely on mass media’s irresponsible portrayal of precocious vermin in movies like Ratatouille and Stuart Little.

ratatouille

 

 

Thought #3: In other things-that-don’t-know-their-place news, my glasses are refusing to stay on my nose lately. I could just make a reminder on my phone to get them tightened, but since we’re thinking out loud today, y’all are getting in on that information.

 

Questions:

Where’s your favorite place to sing- car? shower? other?

What’s your biggest phobia? (Rats are mine, who’s with me?)

What’s something weird your family does?

(Thanks for hosting, Amanda!)

 

Attention please:

emergency broadcast system

We interrupt this regularly scheduled blog post to bring you breaking news that Charlotte has a whopping case of Writer’s Block.

She tries to form sentences:

  • Attempt 1: Protein bars are…
  • Attempt 2: Have you ever noticed when you’re 90% through your workout and…
  • Attempt 3: Whats the deal with…

But inevitably falls short. Upon attempting to write an even mildly amusing post she…

please stand by

…she realizes all attempts are futile until her Writer’s Block is cured and the muse returns.

The public is advised to be on high alert. The amazing Meghan also posted about her Writer’s Block all of 24 hours ago, leading imaginary internet doctors to speculate it could be spreading.

If you or somebody you love is suffering from:

  • Inability to come up with ideas worth their weight in salt
  • Resignation to the fact that “nothing good is going up on the blog tomorrow”
  • Lack of focus, attention to detail and an answer to the question “what exactly do you bring to the table?”

Then you may already be infected with Writer’s Block. If this is the case, you are highly encouraged to get outdoors, do something new, or read a book.

If symptoms do not dissipate soon, email Charlotte and you can commiserate together.

 

We now return to your regularly scheduled questioning:

What do you do when you can’t write?

Whats worse– posting something bad or not posting anything at all?

From where do you draw your inspiration?

 

So for today’s Thinking Out Loud, I’m opening up my Notes App.

Thinking-Out-Loud2

My Notes App is where I write down my blog ideas. I then transfer these ideas into drafts that may or may not ever see the light of day. Every idea listed here today was originally a concept for its own post that I have yet to expand upon. 

So, this is either a teaser post for whats to come, or it’s where ideas go to die a somewhat respectful death.

Let’s brainstorm together! Here we go.

8. Unfinished Idea: I don’t think it’s a mistake the word “Wine” has the word “Win” in it.

Accompanying Notes:

drinking wine and judging people

 

7. Unfinished Idea: Is it Bar or Barre?

Accompanying Notes: Both! While it’s mostly called barre, the type I follow is called Bar Method.

 

6. Unfinished Idea: You know how your phone gives you auto-text options like “Call you later” or “I am away”? Snoresville. I would like a famous author edition keyboard that makes me sound interesting at the touch of a button.

Accompanying Notes: For example: The Shel Silverstein keyboard would go something like:

Text from Friend: “Hey”

Text from Me (auto away message): “And there were green alligators, and long neck geese, some humpty-backed camels and talk later. Peace.”

 

4 & 5. Unfinished Idea: And now let’s play “Who Said It: Hipster Chloe Sevigny or My Dad?”

Accompanying NotesBecause amazingly, hipsters and dads are remarkably similar.

1. Quote: “I don’t even have an iPhone yet. I have a BlackBerry.
(Answer: Hipster Chloe Sevigny. My dad would never say “yet”)

2. Quote: “I had an appointment at the Apple store to fix my 15-year-old laptop.”
(Answer: Hipster Chloe Sevigny. If you guessed my dad, you were so close, but my dad’s 15-yr-old computer is a desktop)

3. Quote: “You see these kids walking on the street and think, ‘Oh, look at that Goth kid’”
(Answer: Hipster Chloe Sevigny. Although she was saying it in a nice “Oh look at that Goth kid!” kind of way, while my dad would’ve said in a  “Oh, look at that Goth kid… it’s a shame nobody enrolled him in sports as a kid” kind of way.)

This concludes “Who Said It: Hipster Chloe Sevigny or My Dad?”

 

3. Unfinished Idea: Primal eating is going awesomely.

Accompanying Notes: I’d say I’m about 85% percent Primal (which counts!) Some benefits: I now prefer the taste of natural food and I call said food by its flavor rather than its color. Although I’ll admit I’ve been living on red wine and dark chocolate lately, so maybe that 2nd benefit was a lie.

 

2. Unfinished Idea: Barre problems

Accompanying Notes:

barre wedgie post it

 

1. Unfinished Idea: Acronyms

Accompanying Notes: Barre: Build A Resilient Rear End

Etc, etc.

Questions:

Would you like to see any of the above ideas expanded upon?

What famous author (or realty TV personality) would you like for your auto-text keyboard?

Where do you keep track of your blog ideas? (Anybody else keep track on the go?)

How many drafts are you hoarding? (I have so many it might justify an intervention)

What’s an idea you just can’t seem to finish?

Are you sick of questions yet?