So, I attended a Red Sox game over the weekend. I thusly feel this qualifies me to talk authoritatively on all things baseball-related today.
Also as a 5-year resident of both NYC and Boston*, I feel doubly qualified to talk on the most famous rivalry in sports- the New York Yankees and the Boston Red Sox.
(*To clarify, that’s 5-year resident of each city respectively, not 5 years combined. Combined would be 10 years. Although I’ve only been out of school for 9, so now that I think about it I must have miscalculated… this is why I prefer words to numbers and leave arithmetic to calculators and robots.)
Anyways, here’s my perspective and analysis on the greatest rivalry in sports…
In Boston, if it’s too hot, too cold, too sunny, too rainy, Monday morning or someone runs out of beer, it is New York’s fault. Every 60 seconds someone in the greater Boston area gets a headache and proceeds to blame it on the “Stankees.” This fingering of the guilty culprit results in high fives exactly 100% of the time. In Boston, population explosions and declines can all be traced back 9 months to a particular victory or defeat of a particular pin-striped team. If you happen to be offered an extra Red Sox ticket and decline due to casual disinterest, prior engagements, or because you find yourself in labor or otherwise in need of immediate medical attention, the rejected ticket holder will look at you blankly and reply something like “but it’s right behind home plate.” Pillow talk consists of whispered confessions of “I miss Lest-ah.”
In perhaps the greatest irony, New Yorkers tend to be too consumed with their own goings-ons to care much about baseball. Unless they’re Mets fans.
To express it in cartoons, if NYC is Foghorn Leghorn, Boston is Henery the spirited chicken hawk:
To express it in terms of Industrial Revolution-era enterprise, if NYC is the big bad Union Pacific Railroad, Boston is Central Pacific Railroad:
And that, my friends, in 333 words (not counting these words) and 2 helpful illustrations, is the culmination of 9 (or 10) years of astute sociological sports research.*
(*Research tactics include but not limited to: avid avoidance of sports bars and steadfast dedication to zoning out during the sports segments on the local news.)
Would you consider yourself a “sports fan”? Like do you get really into games (be it baseball, football or something else?) (I could actually watch soccer all day!)
Are you a Yankees or Red Sox fan? (or other?)
Do you ever find it hard to calculate how long you’ve been out of college (or time in general)?