In exercise we are always trying to go up — sit ups, push ups, pull ups, etc. However this seems to go against the natural human condition of wanting to go down — sit down, lie down, calm down, etc.
Perhaps this is why so many people are so opposed to exercise. It’s a mere issue of lexicon.
I hereby suggest that we change the lingo. CrossFit seems to have done a great job of that, however it’s all really intense and acronymy and quite frankly it scares people.
- Power snatch
- Push jerk
- Sumo Deadlift High Pull
I propose something less awesome: the jargon equivalent of the doctor asking you a question then giving you a shot before you realize whats happening. It’s sneaky, but it’s for your health so it’s okay.
Thus, in the name of health, I’ve taken the liberty of thinking up a few name changes:
1. Sit Ups are now: Lie Back Downs.
Sure, there’s the part you have to sit up, but let’s focus on the part you get to go with gravity.
2. Push Ups are now: Where’s That Smell Coming Froms.
As in, where is that smell coming from? Is it the carpet? Lower yourself down… gross, now come back up. Wait, is it the carpet? Double check. Repeat 10 times.
3. Burpees are now: Air Raid! Just Kidding We’re All Going to Live Hoorays!
4. Pull Ups are now: Peekaboos.
Or, if you’re like me, Hang Theres.
5. High Knees are now: OMG a Mouses.
And if you were in my apartment six months ago, it would not have been a drill.
6. Medicine Balls are now: Gum Balls.
Nobody likes medicine. Almost everybody loves gum!
7. Dumbbells are now: Smartbells.
8. Deadlifts are now: Grateful Deadlifts.
“More fun than a frog in a glass of milk!”
9. Suicides are now: Be Right Backs.
Because you will indeed be right back, over, and over, and over again.
10. Planks are now: Original Hardwood Floorings.
Because the point of the exercise is to be stiff like wood… and this is a classy blog.
So that’s what I think we should do.
Can you think of any other horribly named exercises that should be renamed?
What’s your favorite workout move? Least favorite?
Favorite part of the body to work out? Least favorite?