After several years of observing Healthy Living Bloggers (Scribus Bloggerus Salutem) in the wild, the scientific community* has assembled the following profile on this most baffling yet charming subset of society.

*scientific community = me (who has no scientific knowledge whatsoever, but did take 2 years of high school Latin.)

Temporal Range: Early to Mid- Internet Era to Present.

hlb scientific classification

Etymology

The Healthy Living Blogger (Scribus Bloggerus Salutem) is an entertaining member of the human race. Full of advice, recipes, workouts and anecdotes, the Scribus Bloggerus (for short) is perhaps the most amusing of all the Hominidae.

Evolution and Conservation

Evolving from their predecessors the Scribus MySpaceum, the Scribus Bloggerus is a modern, less creepy subset. They are now a thriving breed and — in what may sound both comforting and threatening– are in absolutely no danger of going anywhere.

blogger conservation status

Range and Habitat

Scientists have found Scribus Bloggerus all over the world. Indeed HL Bloggers have proven to be a hearty stock, needing only edible fare, a camera phone and the slightest internet connection to survive.

When it comes to literary range, some Bloggers have proven themselves more capable than others. This is also true on oven ranges.

Habits and Behavior

HL Bloggers tend to roam the internet in packs, leaving their scent in the form of comments on each other’s sites and developing a strong sense of community and long distance friendships.

However, it is still unclear to scientists when this curious breed sleeps. Having jobs, children, and other commitments during the day, many bloggers have been known to both burn the midnight oil and get up before the sun. At times it seems the only light source they need is the blue-ish glow of their monitors.

Diet

The diet of the Scribus Bloggerus Salutem has baffled scientists for years. It seems no two Bloggers are the same, and vary from completely carnivorous to completely vegan. Others have been known to subsist for long stretches on caffeine and select items from the Starbucks pastry display.

However, despite this variety in dietary needs, most HL Bloggers find common ground in their shared love of protein powder, nut butters and free samples.

Reproduction

The reproduction of another blogger’s idea on one’s own blog without giving credit where credit is due is the bane of the Scribus Bloggerus’ existence.

While Reproductive Rights have come  a long way, the debate is far from over: Many see it as a matter of morality, yet many others insist, “my body of work, my choice.”

Relationship with Humans

The relationship between HL Bloggers and regular humans is one of confusion. Oftentimes, researchers have overheard one Blogger say to another Blogger “my non-blogging friends and family just don’t get it.” This unequivocally has led science to conclude that the Scribus Bloggerus Salutem must be the smartest (or at least smart aleckest) of their kind.

 

Thanks to Amanda for encouraging these thoughts to go from my head to the internet.

Thinking-Out-Loud2

 

Questions:

Were you ever on Myspace?

How much sleep do you need to be able to function?

How long have you been blogging??

So, last week we did Food and Fitness Limericks. Therefore, this week it only seems apt that we do Fitness and Food Haikus. (Apt partially because one good literary device deserves another, but mostly because I love a good partial rhyme in a title.)

bring it on gif

…Or anywhere, really.

The following notes are addressed to things, concepts and notions. The body of the note is in the 5-7-5 syllable pattern known as haiku.

Here we go.

 

8. 

bar method haiku

 

7.

running haiku

 

6. 

psl haiku

 

5. 

west side story haiku

 

4. 

venn haiku

 

3.  

banana haiku

 

2. 

acne haiku 1

 

1. 

dessert haiku

 

Questions:

It’s truth time- do you actually like Pumpkin Spice Lattes or just the idea of them? (I want to like them, I just don’t.)

Are you over the age of 20 and do you still get acne? (Yes.)

Do you prefer dinner or dessert? (Calories and nutritional value not withstanding, I would ideally eat dessert for every meal.)

 

 

Among other mindless things I’ve been known to do, I sometimes eat food and have no recollection of the incident until I see the evidence of a wrapper or a banana peel in the trash…

Thinking-Out-Loud2

The following scenario is based on a true story:

[Charlotte is working on the computer doing a million things at once while simultaneously eating a banana]

An unknown amount of time later…

Charlotte (to good friend, Christine, on gchat): “So weird- I can’t find my banana- I know I had one.”

Christine: “Look in your trash.”

[Charlotte looks in trash and finds the peel leading her to Sherlock-Holmes her way to the conclusion she ate the banana already.]

I have given the above condition a scientific name: Ghost-Eating.

ghost-eating

(For the purpose of this post we’re just going to use the first definition)

Obviously, this condition is the result of one of two things:

  1. Being senile, or
  2. Trying to multitask eating with one or more activities.

Since it is Halloween time and seems eerily on topic, I have taken the liberty of rewriting the classic theme song from Ghostbusters to include the word Ghost-Eating.

If you need help with the tune:

 

When there’s something strange, in your garbage can-

whatcha gonna blame?

ghost-eating!

 

Yeah it’s kinda weird, and you don’t feel sane-

whatcha gonna blame?

ghost-eating!

 

I just ate like a ghost

I just ate like a ghost

 

When you’re eating things, in your pajamas-

whatcha gonna blame?

ghost-eating!

 

An invisible man, eating your bananas-

whatcha gonna blame?

ghost-eating!

 

[repeat refrain]

 

Ghost-Eating — careful or it will get you too — it’s science.

back-off-man-Im-a-scientist-ghostbusters

 

Thanks for hosting, Amanda!

Questions:

Can you sympathize?

Have you ghost-eaten before?

What are you (or your kids) being for Halloween?

 

The other day as I was wandering around my kitchen looking for food (a futile endeavor), I started thinking in limericks.

It started with:

There once was a girl who loved snacks…

new girl shaking head no

But then I got stuck. So I moved on:

There once was a girl from Bostonia

whose accent could not have been phoni-ah…

zooey-exasperated new girl

Once again I got stuck. Apparently I do not do my best thinking when I’m hungry.

So I went to the grocery store, brought it all back, decided to eat an apple and some almonds* and tried again:

There once was a blogger in Boston,

Who worked out though it was exhaustin’.

But the reason she did it,

She’d gladly admit it,

Was to eat more cupcakes with frostin’.

eating cupcakes tina fey

(*By “an apple and some almonds” I mean “two gluten-free cupcakes.”)

Then suddenly I was thinking in rhyme and I couldn’t stop. And to prove that I don’t just spend all my time writing odes to myself while hopped up on sugar, the following limericks are dedicated to you:

For the Runners:

There once was a runner-slash-blogger

Who darted through traffic like frogger

She was faster than fast

And a total badass

Call her whatevs, just dont call her a jogger

 

For the Food Bloggers:

There once were bloggers who loved baking

Who also enjoyed picture-taking

So they snapped what they baked

And shared what they maked

Making you wish that you were partaking

 

For the Australians:

There once were some blogs from Australia

Who made good use of kitchen paraphernalia

In their accents they wrote

Like quote — favourite — unquote

Which sounded Fancy like Iggy Azalea

 

For the Amusing Bloggers:

There once were some bloggers so witty

their posts made everyone giddy

they’d throw in a quip

and a reactionary gif

and prove that women can be funny AND pretty

 

Questions:

Favorite type of cupcake? (Carrot cake!)

Can you taste the difference between a gluten-free cupcake and a regular one? (I honestly can’t)

Whats your favorite old video game? (Frogger? Pac-Man? Other?)

Do you ever start thinking in rhyme?