I recently noticed some interesting conversations about healthy morning routines going on at ALOHA, so I thought I’d join.

Without further ado, here’s my routine. A-five, six… a-five, six, seven, eight!

5:00 AM: Alarm goes off. I wake up looking and feeling fantastic.

sleepy

5:05 AM: I leap out of bed, needing only but a couple deep breaths of fresh oxygen to wake me up fully.

coffee 1

5:something AM:  (A few more deep breaths)

all the coffee

Still-not-quite-6 AM: I then slip into my Bar Method clothes…

winter 1

6:00 AM: … And prance on over to the studio where I begin class full of energy and awesomeness.

bar method 2

bar method 3

Over the course of the next hour, a transformation occurs. I go from grumpy beast to happy human. Light radiates from my fingertips accordingly.

Transformation-beauty-and-the-beast

7:00 AM: I leave class feeling stronger, happier and less sarcastic*.

happy

(*That last one is debatable.)

Sometime after 7:00 AM: I return home for more nourishing recipes. While for most people this means a protein-packed smoothie or food you can actually chew, I simply prefer more caffeine and/or chocolate at this point in my day, like this cup of liquid witchcraft:

Superfood Hot Chocolate

Superfood Hot Chocolate: it’s healthy and chocolatey at the same time…

Why yes, ALOHA, your magic is welcome here.

8:14 AM: Realizing it’s 14 minutes later than I thought, I peel myself away from the Today show, frantically throw snacks into my purse and make myself presentable(ish) with a vim that was severely lacking an hour earlier.

8:16(ish) AM: Leave for work feeling good!

happy 2

Moral: While we all like to think the perfect morning routine involves beautifully dawning sunlight, 72 degree weather, an ocean view and some outdoor exercise, that’s simply not reality when you live beyond the wall in the Northeast in wintertime. (Note to self: relocate, Charlotte.)  Maintaining a happy outlook and healthy habits takes work and, quite frankly, delicious things.

Disclaimer: As you all probably know, I accept brand incentives in the following forms:

  1. Money
  2. Power
  3. Merchandise that’s made of chocolate, caffeine and/or alcohol
  4. Compliments

ALOHA gave me none of the above.

 

Questions:

What’s your morning routine?

Are you a breakfast person? (Once I get to my desk, I eat every hour on the hour til lunch)

If your routine is thrown off, does it affect the rest of your day? (YES!)

So, as you may already know, healthy living bloggers do a lot of product reviews. But, I’m not really one of them. Until today.

Today I’m going to show you my gear.

Since I don’t really run that often, I’ve never invested in any cool gear. I don’t have the water bottle belt, nor a Garmin, nor the arm band nor fanny pack nor shorts-with-a-pocket to hold your phone while you run. But I really don’t like holding my phone when I’m doing fitnessy things of any nature, so, one day I decided to improvise.

And I made the Sock Pocket.

sock

Procedure:

Take a sock that has lost its match, but you still keep in your drawer with the hope that the match will one day reappear.

Let go of that hope.

Cut the sock in half.

Fasten it to the inside of your pants with 2 safety pins.

Bam.

Insert all the money you just saved.

sock pocket

Dolla dolla bill y’all*

And oh what’s that? You’re in the mood for it on the other hip now?

No problem. It’s elegant safety pin design allows for easy removal and rearranging on your person.

dollar bill 1

When you’re done taking selfies, insert your phone into the Sock Pocket, and proceed to run/ walk/ Bar Method/or just lay back down on the couch.

*Note: to make it less stripper-rific, stick a credit card in there instead**.

**Plus a credit card is just more practical since you never know what you’re going to need on the road- like fro yo, something from cvs, a taxi… in other words, something the old George Washington won’t cover.

How do you carry your phone and money when you run/exercise?

Are you crafty? (This is the extent of my craftiness)

Do you hang on to match-less socks too??

Does anyone else have the Hot Pockets theme in their head now?

So over the weekend I thought I was watching golf, but it turns out I was watching Bar Method. Outside. With polo shirts. I’ll explain.

As you may or may not know, the PGA championship was this past weekend. And if you happened to be in the mood for that specific brand of toned-down excitement and understated fun that watching golf typically provides, this weekend’s tournament did not disappoint. But there was also something else. Something unexpected. There was also, Bar Method.

Bar Method is everywhere you guys, and I’m about to demonstrate.

In Bar Method we do an exercise called “Chair” that looks like this:

bar method chair

On the golf course, it looks like this:

golfers chair 1

2. In bar method there is an exercise called “Arabesque” that looks like this:

bar method arabesque

On the golf course, it looks like this:

golfer arabesque

3. In Bar Method, the thigh work portion of class looks like this:

bar method thigh

On the golf course, it looks like this:

golfer thigh

4. And in Bar Method, we are constantly being told to squeeze our glutes like this:

bar method tuck

Aaand on the golf course, it looks like this:

BMW PGA Championship - Day Three

So, there you have it. I think the photographic evidence speaks for itself. Aside from the whole get-the-ball-in-the-hole part, Golf is simply Bar Method in more formal attire.

What do you think?

Do you play golf? (Personally, my golfing abilities cap out at the “miniature” level)

Whats your favorite sport to watch?

You know the old joke, why did the chicken cross road? Well, according to the following list of famous people who have been in the news or media* lately,** it’s not as simple as merely wanting to get to the other side.

*None of these people were actually contacted.

**Lately is a relative term.

So, why did the chicken cross the road?

Athletes

Dikembe Mutombo: (blocking the chicken’s attempts to cross) “No no no he’s not crossing in front of my house”

A-Rod: “Ok so, IF he crossed the road, and I’m not saying he did, because I can’t comment on that right now- maybe he did it accidentally, you know? Like, someone at an anti-aging chicken coop told him to… I’m uh, I’m just guessing though.”

Winner of 2013 Crossfit Games aka the Fittest Man on Earth, Rich Froning: “Oh yeah I saw that chicken competing during the handstand walk across the road. He was a good competitor… but in the end, I got the W.” (Froning then proceeded to let out a carnal roar to cheers from the crowd)

Pundits

Bill O’Reilly: “Because that ‘fraidy cat was running away from the truth!” (O’Reilly then proceeded to cluck mockingly) “Bock bock bock!”

Suze Orman: “Well because as everybody knows, the house prices are cheaper on that side of the road! Sure- the view is worse, sure- the backs of the houses are slowly falling off the cliffs behind them but that is one fiscally responsible chicken! I like him. Moving on.”

Celebrities

Chelsea Handler: “Because Vodka.”

Rachel Zoe: “Wait what? That thing with feathers that just walked by? That wasn’t a chicken that was just Annie Hathaway dressed in the latest Zac Posen. Die, right? It’s ah-MAZ-ing.”

Pippa Middleton: Because if one is on one side of the road, and one wishes to be on the other side of the road, one can get across that road simply by crossing it #pippatips #itsjustajoke #pleasedontsueme

Recipients of Temporary Asylum

Edward Snowden: (In broken Russian)-  “Well I don’t know “why” but I do know “what” road specifically that chicken crossed because the government was spying on him while he crossed it. And they’re spying on you too. Think about that next time you’re about to cross a road. I miss my girlfriend.”

Disgraced Political Figures

Anthony Weiner’s Ex-Campaign Manager, Danny Kedem: “I don’t care why he crossed the road, as long as his alias isn’t Carlos Danger, or any variation that’s vaguely offensive to Hispanic voters and completely ridiculous to absolutely everyone of voting age, I can get him elected mayor of New York City.

Anthony Weiner: “That depends, does the chicken know how to hard delete?”

Alright, that’s all for today.

Pick a famous person and make up your own “chicken” answer!

Or, what’s your favorite form of procrastination? :)

I’m exhausted today because I did Bar Method last night and subsequently couldn’t fall asleep til late. Do you work out at night? How do you go to sleep after??