So, last week we did Food and Fitness Limericks. Therefore, this week it only seems apt that we do Fitness and Food Haikus. (Apt partially because one good literary device deserves another, but mostly because I love a good partial rhyme in a title.)

bring it on gif

…Or anywhere, really.

The following notes are addressed to things, concepts and notions. The body of the note is in the 5-7-5 syllable pattern known as haiku.

Here we go.

 

8. 

bar method haiku

 

7.

running haiku

 

6. 

psl haiku

 

5. 

west side story haiku

 

4. 

venn haiku

 

3.  

banana haiku

 

2. 

acne haiku 1

 

1. 

dessert haiku

 

Questions:

It’s truth time- do you actually like Pumpkin Spice Lattes or just the idea of them? (I want to like them, I just don’t.)

Are you over the age of 20 and do you still get acne? (Yes.)

Do you prefer dinner or dessert? (Calories and nutritional value not withstanding, I would ideally eat dessert for every meal.)

 

 

While Reality TV is indeed “television” it is in no way “reality.” Aside from the fact it’s contrived and scripted, the scenarios are a bit, shall we say, exaggerated? (For the record, in no way am I judging- I got the idea for this post while watching Below Deck.)

Thinking-Out-Loud2

However, for TOL, I’ve taken the liberty of proposing the next generation of reality TV called “actually real reality programming.” (The name needs work.) And since this is a healthy living blog, these spin-offs focus on health in all it’s many forms. ‘Natch.

Top 8 Proposed Reality TV Spin-Offs

8. Biggest Loser –> Winner of Regular Size

Follow a woman who has been decently successful in all aspects of life, aside from those last five pounds. Tune in every week as she blows this minor issue completely out of proportion and lets it seep into other areas of her life.

7. The Voice –> The Choice

Follow the daily struggle of a common office worker who has just eaten lunch but is presented with leftover food from the conference room and/or vending machine. Does she eat what we will affectionately refer to as “second lunch” again today? Find out tonight at 8.

the voice choice

6. 19 Kids and Counting –> 19 Miles and Counting

What happens in the last few miles of a marathon? Find out! Warning: It’s filmed like the Blair Witch Project in that our protagonist is holding the camera the whole time, so it’s not for the queasy.

5. Big Brother –> Little Sister

Like Big Brother, Little Sister also takes place in a house but it stars a pair of sisters who talk about sister things, like what diseases run in the family and pointing out moles they think the other should get checked out. They also get into brief disagreements about something someone said 15 years ago, agree to disagree and then both secretly call their mom later on to see who was right.

4. Here Comes Honey Boo Boo –> There Goes Bunny Foo Foo

As we all know “little Bunny Foo Foo went hopping through the forest, scooping up the field mice and bopping them on the head.” Well, turns out those field mice suffered concussions and are filing a joint lawsuit against Mr Foo Foo. Follow them on their journey, commentary by the Good Fairy.

here comes bunny foo foo

3. Jersey Shore –> Jersey Tour

Ride with a group of cyclists the entire length of the Turnpike, stopping in towns along the way and talking to perfectly normal people in attempt to disprove all the Jersey stereotypes perpetuated by Jersey Shore.

2. Survivor –> Survivor Boston

Follow a northeastern city-dweller who got a Groupon for a 6am outdoor boot camp in the middle of winter and makes it to one session. After severely underestimating how painful a decision that was, will she make it to session two?

1. American Idol –> American Vitals

For the hypochondriac in you.  All the excitement of Googling your symptoms now on Primetime TV– learn what that mole probably is and when a rash isn’t just a rash. Also, Ebola.

american vitals

 

While no industry honchos have approached me yet, I think it’s only because they’re intimidated by the amount of hot pink on this page.

Questions:

What’s your guilty pleasure when it comes to reality TV?

Would you ever audition to be on reality TV? If so, which show??

If you would never audition to be on reality TV and this is all hypothetical- which show??

Do you believe the NJ stereotypes?

So I had the idea for this post, wrote it in the title, then forgot about it for a full year. When I opened the draft recently hoping to find some helpful prompts or witticisms, turns out all Past Charlotte had written for Future Charlotte was “do some research.” Thanks young biatch.

So I did some research and basically it all boils down to the following: Muscles are like people.

muscles they're just like us

I’ll explain in 8 points:

8. Muscles are like people, they remember things.

Muscle memory is the theory that repeated movements will come back to the doer, even if it’s been a while since they were last done. This is the reason you never forget how to ride a bike.

It’s also the reason you inexplicably remember all the words to Tiffany’s “I Think We’re Alone Now,” and that snappy dance she did in the video even though you haven’t tried to imitate it since 1989 (ok, 2009).

7. Muscles are like people, sometimes they forget those things.

While your muscles may remember these movements, you can’t always pick right back up where you left off. This is why even though at one time you had the final dance from Girls Just Want to Have Fun (starring a young Sarah Jessica Parker, Helen Hunt and Shannen Doherty) fully memorized and nailed (except for the flips and stuff), if you managed to remember the whole thing today, your body wouldn’t be as forgiving with some of the high kicks.

girls just wanna have fun dance

6. Muscles are like people, they need routine.

Muscles develop by doing something over and over again. It makes them better, stronger and more efficient. This is true for both daily routines and dance routines like the one Stephanie Tanner did to Motown Philly.

5. Muscles are like people, they hit plateaus and get depressed about it.

Just like an apathetic office worker, a bored muscle will never progress. (However unlike office workers, muscles will spare you from the melodramatic existential crisis that usually ensues.)

chandler im gonna die alone

4. Muscles are like people, they have to be alert to accomplish things.

How much work gets done before coffee? (Haha work, I’m not even confident I’m fully human before coffee.) Wake those muscles up!

3. Muscles are like people, they have to be properly motivated to perform at their peak.

While you can bribe people with money (or in my case all it takes is something caffeinated), muscles are motivated by variety.

2. Muscles are like people, they have a love/hate relationship with surprises.

Your muscles will be kinda mad at you for making them achey, but they will also be happy you switched things up because it made them stronger (and shows you care.)

1. Muscles are like people, they get confused rather easily.

This is good news- it means little changes to your workout routine go a long way.

 

There are still two camps to this theory, some say you must confuse your muscles by switching up your routine every 1-2 weeks to see results. The other camp says consistency yields higher rewards.

I say, find some things you love to do and do them often.

Thinking-Out-Loud2

 

Thanks for hosting, Amanda!

 

Questions:

What do you do- keep your workouts consistent or mix it up?

Who has the better memory- you or your muscles?

Do you like surprises?

So for today’s Thinking Out Loud, I’m opening up my Notes App.

Thinking-Out-Loud2

My Notes App is where I write down my blog ideas. I then transfer these ideas into drafts that may or may not ever see the light of day. Every idea listed here today was originally a concept for its own post that I have yet to expand upon. 

So, this is either a teaser post for whats to come, or it’s where ideas go to die a somewhat respectful death.

Let’s brainstorm together! Here we go.

8. Unfinished Idea: I don’t think it’s a mistake the word “Wine” has the word “Win” in it.

Accompanying Notes:

drinking wine and judging people

 

7. Unfinished Idea: Is it Bar or Barre?

Accompanying Notes: Both! While it’s mostly called barre, the type I follow is called Bar Method.

 

6. Unfinished Idea: You know how your phone gives you auto-text options like “Call you later” or “I am away”? Snoresville. I would like a famous author edition keyboard that makes me sound interesting at the touch of a button.

Accompanying Notes: For example: The Shel Silverstein keyboard would go something like:

Text from Friend: “Hey”

Text from Me (auto away message): “And there were green alligators, and long neck geese, some humpty-backed camels and talk later. Peace.”

 

4 & 5. Unfinished Idea: And now let’s play “Who Said It: Hipster Chloe Sevigny or My Dad?”

Accompanying NotesBecause amazingly, hipsters and dads are remarkably similar.

1. Quote: “I don’t even have an iPhone yet. I have a BlackBerry.
(Answer: Hipster Chloe Sevigny. My dad would never say “yet”)

2. Quote: “I had an appointment at the Apple store to fix my 15-year-old laptop.”
(Answer: Hipster Chloe Sevigny. If you guessed my dad, you were so close, but my dad’s 15-yr-old computer is a desktop)

3. Quote: “You see these kids walking on the street and think, ‘Oh, look at that Goth kid’”
(Answer: Hipster Chloe Sevigny. Although she was saying it in a nice “Oh look at that Goth kid!” kind of way, while my dad would’ve said in a  “Oh, look at that Goth kid… it’s a shame nobody enrolled him in sports as a kid” kind of way.)

This concludes “Who Said It: Hipster Chloe Sevigny or My Dad?”

 

3. Unfinished Idea: Primal eating is going awesomely.

Accompanying Notes: I’d say I’m about 85% percent Primal (which counts!) Some benefits: I now prefer the taste of natural food and I call said food by its flavor rather than its color. Although I’ll admit I’ve been living on red wine and dark chocolate lately, so maybe that 2nd benefit was a lie.

 

2. Unfinished Idea: Barre problems

Accompanying Notes:

barre wedgie post it

 

1. Unfinished Idea: Acronyms

Accompanying Notes: Barre: Build A Resilient Rear End

Etc, etc.

Questions:

Would you like to see any of the above ideas expanded upon?

What famous author (or realty TV personality) would you like for your auto-text keyboard?

Where do you keep track of your blog ideas? (Anybody else keep track on the go?)

How many drafts are you hoarding? (I have so many it might justify an intervention)

What’s an idea you just can’t seem to finish?

Are you sick of questions yet?