If we were to personify your inner athlete, what would he or she look like?

Big and intense like the Hulk?

sheldon puny human

 

Agile and speedy like the Flash?

sheldon the flash

 

Strong and focused like Bruce Lee?

bruce lee

 

…Mine looks more like Larry David.

larry-david

It’s whiny, neurotic, and manages to offend others by just being itself. (But on the upside, it wears sneakers everywhere.)

Whenever it comes to trying a new activity, the following conversation between me and my Inner Athlete (IA) comes to pass:

Me: I should try CrossFit.

IA: (Sits up from a reclining position) What are you nuts?! Have you seen the amount of coordination and lung capacity and general athleticism required for CrossFit? Have you seen how much people sweat? Do you even have that much water in your body?

Me: Yeah, but you know, people start out at all different levels.

IA: Yeah you’re going to get leveled if you take one step inside that Box, Snowflake.

Me: I think you’re overreacting. I’ll just go at my own pace.

IA: What is this really about? Are you stressed? Anxious? Can’t you just take a brisk walk and call it a day?

Me: What? No — I just think it’s time I try CrossFit. Everybody who tries it seems to love it.

IA: Have it your way but just so you know, I’m not on board with this.

Me: Listen, Inner Athlete — this is happening.

IA: Listen, Charlotte — this is not happening yet. What if your form is all wrong and you break in half like a twig? What if your form is perfect but you get stuck frozen in that position with the thing above your head and can’t move til someone notices and has to come rescue you? What if your barre workout clothes don’t cut it for Box workouts? What if you need upper body strength? What if there are people there?

Me: Huh, I hadn’t thought about those things.

IA: (Says nothing, returns to reclining position.)

Me: Ok, you win this week. But next week we’re doing it!

IA: Oh good, next week you have a dentist appointment so that’ll be convenient when you accidentally knock your teeth out.

My Inner Athlete and I then stare at each other for a while, simultaneously saying everything and nothing:

larry-david-stares-down-mjf

 

Questions:

So if we were to personify your inner athlete, which one do you most identify with — Hulk, Lee, Flash or David?

Or, if none of those options are to your liking, what famous person or cartoon character does inner athlete most resemble?

 

 

After several years of observing Healthy Living Bloggers (Scribus Bloggerus Salutem) in the wild, the scientific community* has assembled the following profile on this most baffling yet charming subset of society.

*scientific community = me (who has no scientific knowledge whatsoever, but did take 2 years of high school Latin.)

Temporal Range: Early to Mid- Internet Era to Present.

hlb scientific classification

Etymology

The Healthy Living Blogger (Scribus Bloggerus Salutem) is an entertaining member of the human race. Full of advice, recipes, workouts and anecdotes, the Scribus Bloggerus (for short) is perhaps the most amusing of all the Hominidae.

Evolution and Conservation

Evolving from their predecessors the Scribus MySpaceum, the Scribus Bloggerus is a modern, less creepy subset. They are now a thriving breed and — in what may sound both comforting and threatening– are in absolutely no danger of going anywhere.

blogger conservation status

Range and Habitat

Scientists have found Scribus Bloggerus all over the world. Indeed HL Bloggers have proven to be a hearty stock, needing only edible fare, a camera phone and the slightest internet connection to survive.

When it comes to literary range, some Bloggers have proven themselves more capable than others. This is also true on oven ranges.

Habits and Behavior

HL Bloggers tend to roam the internet in packs, leaving their scent in the form of comments on each other’s sites and developing a strong sense of community and long distance friendships.

However, it is still unclear to scientists when this curious breed sleeps. Having jobs, children, and other commitments during the day, many bloggers have been known to both burn the midnight oil and get up before the sun. At times it seems the only light source they need is the blue-ish glow of their monitors.

Diet

The diet of the Scribus Bloggerus Salutem has baffled scientists for years. It seems no two Bloggers are the same, and vary from completely carnivorous to completely vegan. Others have been known to subsist for long stretches on caffeine and select items from the Starbucks pastry display.

However, despite this variety in dietary needs, most HL Bloggers find common ground in their shared love of protein powder, nut butters and free samples.

Reproduction

The reproduction of another blogger’s idea on one’s own blog without giving credit where credit is due is the bane of the Scribus Bloggerus’ existence.

While Reproductive Rights have come  a long way, the debate is far from over: Many see it as a matter of morality, yet many others insist, “my body of work, my choice.”

Relationship with Humans

The relationship between HL Bloggers and regular humans is one of confusion. Oftentimes, researchers have overheard one Blogger say to another Blogger “my non-blogging friends and family just don’t get it.” This unequivocally has led science to conclude that the Scribus Bloggerus Salutem must be the smartest (or at least smart aleckest) of their kind.

 

Thanks to Amanda for encouraging these thoughts to go from my head to the internet.

Thinking-Out-Loud2

 

Questions:

Were you ever on Myspace?

How much sleep do you need to be able to function?

How long have you been blogging??

So, last week we did Food and Fitness Limericks. Therefore, this week it only seems apt that we do Fitness and Food Haikus. (Apt partially because one good literary device deserves another, but mostly because I love a good partial rhyme in a title.)

bring it on gif

…Or anywhere, really.

The following notes are addressed to things, concepts and notions. The body of the note is in the 5-7-5 syllable pattern known as haiku.

Here we go.

 

8. 

bar method haiku

 

7.

running haiku

 

6. 

psl haiku

 

5. 

west side story haiku

 

4. 

venn haiku

 

3.  

banana haiku

 

2. 

acne haiku 1

 

1. 

dessert haiku

 

Questions:

It’s truth time- do you actually like Pumpkin Spice Lattes or just the idea of them? (I want to like them, I just don’t.)

Are you over the age of 20 and do you still get acne? (Yes.)

Do you prefer dinner or dessert? (Calories and nutritional value not withstanding, I would ideally eat dessert for every meal.)

 

 

Among other mindless things I’ve been known to do, I sometimes eat food and have no recollection of the incident until I see the evidence of a wrapper or a banana peel in the trash…

Thinking-Out-Loud2

The following scenario is based on a true story:

[Charlotte is working on the computer doing a million things at once while simultaneously eating a banana]

An unknown amount of time later…

Charlotte (to good friend, Christine, on gchat): “So weird- I can’t find my banana- I know I had one.”

Christine: “Look in your trash.”

[Charlotte looks in trash and finds the peel leading her to Sherlock-Holmes her way to the conclusion she ate the banana already.]

I have given the above condition a scientific name: Ghost-Eating.

ghost-eating

(For the purpose of this post we’re just going to use the first definition)

Obviously, this condition is the result of one of two things:

  1. Being senile, or
  2. Trying to multitask eating with one or more activities.

Since it is Halloween time and seems eerily on topic, I have taken the liberty of rewriting the classic theme song from Ghostbusters to include the word Ghost-Eating.

If you need help with the tune:

 

When there’s something strange, in your garbage can-

whatcha gonna blame?

ghost-eating!

 

Yeah it’s kinda weird, and you don’t feel sane-

whatcha gonna blame?

ghost-eating!

 

I just ate like a ghost

I just ate like a ghost

 

When you’re eating things, in your pajamas-

whatcha gonna blame?

ghost-eating!

 

An invisible man, eating your bananas-

whatcha gonna blame?

ghost-eating!

 

[repeat refrain]

 

Ghost-Eating — careful or it will get you too — it’s science.

back-off-man-Im-a-scientist-ghostbusters

 

Thanks for hosting, Amanda!

Questions:

Can you sympathize?

Have you ghost-eaten before?

What are you (or your kids) being for Halloween?