The other day as I was wandering around my kitchen looking for food (a futile endeavor), I started thinking in limericks.

It started with:

There once was a girl who loved snacks…

new girl shaking head no

But then I got stuck. So I moved on:

There once was a girl from Bostonia

whose accent could not have been phoni-ah…

zooey-exasperated new girl

Once again I got stuck. Apparently I do not do my best thinking when I’m hungry.

So I went to the grocery store, brought it all back, decided to eat an apple and some almonds* and tried again:

There once was a blogger in Boston,

Who worked out though it was exhaustin’.

But the reason she did it,

She’d gladly admit it,

Was to eat more cupcakes with frostin’.

eating cupcakes tina fey

(*By “an apple and some almonds” I mean “two gluten-free cupcakes.”)

Then suddenly I was thinking in rhyme and I couldn’t stop. And to prove that I don’t just spend all my time writing odes to myself while hopped up on sugar, the following limericks are dedicated to you:

For the Runners:

There once was a runner-slash-blogger

Who darted through traffic like frogger

She was faster than fast

And a total badass

Call her whatevs, just dont call her a jogger

 

For the Food Bloggers:

There once were bloggers who loved baking

Who also enjoyed picture-taking

So they snapped what they baked

And shared what they maked

Making you wish that you were partaking

 

For the Australians:

There once were some blogs from Australia

Who made good use of kitchen paraphernalia

In their accents they wrote

Like quote — favourite — unquote

Which sounded Fancy like Iggy Azalea

 

For the Amusing Bloggers:

There once were some bloggers so witty

their posts made everyone giddy

they’d throw in a quip

and a reactionary gif

and prove that women can be funny AND pretty

 

Questions:

Favorite type of cupcake? (Carrot cake!)

Can you taste the difference between a gluten-free cupcake and a regular one? (I honestly can’t)

Whats your favorite old video game? (Frogger? Pac-Man? Other?)

Do you ever start thinking in rhyme?

 

People classify themselves by all sorts of things — nationality, gender, creed, Boston sports fan, etc. Personally, I identify as a morning worker-outer.

We’re a small but proud subset of society. Waking up early, we start sweating before most people even open their eyes.

Some may wonder why any sane person would want to get up 2 hours before they normally would, in the dead of winter, to go inflict pain on their muscles, but to those parties I respond the following: I work out at 6am because 6pm is happy hour, and therefore an inappropriate time to be in a gym.

amen

When people ask how I stick to a morning workout routine, I look them in the eye, lean in real close and say “I WAKE THE F UP.”

“You wake the F up?” they reply curiously.

“It’s an acronym” I tell them. “I WAKE THE F UP. And now, so can you.”

How to be a Morning Worker-Outer: WAKE THE F UP

Step 1. Wipe the sleep from your eyes and the tears from your cheek as your alarm goes off at the ungodly hour you set it for.

Step 2. Avow revenge on the morning time.

revenge business

Step 3. Knock over everything on your bedside table as you fall out of bed like some sort of tranquilized animal.

Step 4Eat something. Food, preferably.

Step 5Then drink coffee.

Step 6. Hug. As in, start to feel the comfort of caffeine coursing through your veins like the warm, stimulanty hug that it is.

Step 7Ease into your workout clothes.

Step 8. Feet. Whats on them? You’ll need shoes if you’re going to complete this mission, soldier.

Step 9Undergo transformation from sleepy half-beast to more awake human.

Step 10Propel yourself full steam ahead out of the house and into the gym like the badass early riser you are.

And there you have it. You too will be a morning worker-outer if you simply remember to WAKE THE F UP.

Like every Thursday, this post is the electronic manifestation of me Thinking Out Loud.

Thinking-Out-Loud2

Thanks Amanda!

Questions:

Are you a morning, evening or mid-day worker-outer?

Are you a morning person in general?

What time of day are you at your best?

 

Recently I was thinking about my lack of trips on the horizon, and I realized hey, I don’t have to travel internationally when I can travel internetally.

Just like international tourism, internetal tourism involves going to sites and looking at things. However, internetal tourists don’t have to put on pants.

no pants new girl

Wondering which type of tourist you are? Let’s find out.

A. When it comes to pulling out your phone, do you prefer to do it:

  1.  During dinner to show your friends pictures of your recent trip to Hong Kong
  2.  During disputes to show your friends that according to Google, their side is wrong

B. When it comes to complaining about your connections, which of the following words typically precedes “connections”:

  1. Flight
  2. Wifi

C. When it comes to regaling your friends with exotic stories, do you normally talk about:

  1. Your last visit to the Sub-Saharan Desert
  2. Your last visit to that super weird subreddit

D. When you pick up new phrases, these are usually in the form of:

  1. Foreign languages
  2. Memes

read all the memes

E. When you say “I’ll write” you mean:

  1. A postcard containing just one sentence, something like: “Wish you were here.”
  2. An email containing no text just a Buzzfeed link, with the subject: “Aww baby pig friends with baby deer”

F. When you worry about your financial safety, your biggest threat is:

  1. Your cash being stolen by child pickpockets with small hands
  2. All your personal information stolen by teenage hackers over wireless LANs

G. When you say you’re going on Safari, you mean:

  1. In Africa, with all the animals and khaki clothes
  2. On your iphone or computer (because you need to open a browser other than Chrome)

If you answered mostly 1s, you are an international tourist.

If you answered mostly 2s, you are an internetal tourist and you are just like me.

i-hugged-you-in-my-mind

 

Questions:

What sites do you spend most of your time on– ancient, archaeological, or web? (Web. Blogs and Buzzfeed)

Do you have any trips coming up? Where are you going? (Trader Joes. Yes it counts.)

Did you just get back from a trip? Where did you go? (Ego trip, briefly. Yes it counts.)

 

While Reality TV is indeed “television” it is in no way “reality.” Aside from the fact it’s contrived and scripted, the scenarios are a bit, shall we say, exaggerated? (For the record, in no way am I judging- I got the idea for this post while watching Below Deck.)

Thinking-Out-Loud2

However, for TOL, I’ve taken the liberty of proposing the next generation of reality TV called “actually real reality programming.” (The name needs work.) And since this is a healthy living blog, these spin-offs focus on health in all it’s many forms. ‘Natch.

Top 8 Proposed Reality TV Spin-Offs

8. Biggest Loser –> Winner of Regular Size

Follow a woman who has been decently successful in all aspects of life, aside from those last five pounds. Tune in every week as she blows this minor issue completely out of proportion and lets it seep into other areas of her life.

7. The Voice –> The Choice

Follow the daily struggle of a common office worker who has just eaten lunch but is presented with leftover food from the conference room and/or vending machine. Does she eat what we will affectionately refer to as “second lunch” again today? Find out tonight at 8.

the voice choice

6. 19 Kids and Counting –> 19 Miles and Counting

What happens in the last few miles of a marathon? Find out! Warning: It’s filmed like the Blair Witch Project in that our protagonist is holding the camera the whole time, so it’s not for the queasy.

5. Big Brother –> Little Sister

Like Big Brother, Little Sister also takes place in a house but it stars a pair of sisters who talk about sister things, like what diseases run in the family and pointing out moles they think the other should get checked out. They also get into brief disagreements about something someone said 15 years ago, agree to disagree and then both secretly call their mom later on to see who was right.

4. Here Comes Honey Boo Boo –> There Goes Bunny Foo Foo

As we all know “little Bunny Foo Foo went hopping through the forest, scooping up the field mice and bopping them on the head.” Well, turns out those field mice suffered concussions and are filing a joint lawsuit against Mr Foo Foo. Follow them on their journey, commentary by the Good Fairy.

here comes bunny foo foo

3. Jersey Shore –> Jersey Tour

Ride with a group of cyclists the entire length of the Turnpike, stopping in towns along the way and talking to perfectly normal people in attempt to disprove all the Jersey stereotypes perpetuated by Jersey Shore.

2. Survivor –> Survivor Boston

Follow a northeastern city-dweller who got a Groupon for a 6am outdoor boot camp in the middle of winter and makes it to one session. After severely underestimating how painful a decision that was, will she make it to session two?

1. American Idol –> American Vitals

For the hypochondriac in you.  All the excitement of Googling your symptoms now on Primetime TV– learn what that mole probably is and when a rash isn’t just a rash. Also, Ebola.

american vitals

 

While no industry honchos have approached me yet, I think it’s only because they’re intimidated by the amount of hot pink on this page.

Questions:

What’s your guilty pleasure when it comes to reality TV?

Would you ever audition to be on reality TV? If so, which show??

If you would never audition to be on reality TV and this is all hypothetical- which show??

Do you believe the NJ stereotypes?