Like many other women who have spent their entire adult lives as devout northeastern urbanites, I do not have children.

However, this does not mean that I’m completely out of tune with the under 10 set. My interaction on a nearly daily basis involves starring contests with cheeky babies on subways, making empathetic eye contact with the humiliated older sibling of a child throwing a fit in a restaurant, and experiencing outfit-envy of 3-foot tall hipsters on Newbury St.

I dream of being able to pull off multiple coats without looking bulky

(I dream of being able to pull off multiple coats with such simultaneous gusto and nonchalance.)

When it comes to traits, most parents hope their children will have intelligence, athletic ability, an ear for music, a dry sense of humor and a disdain for all things derivative. (Those last two might just be me.) And when it comes to their future career, most parents simply want their children to do what makes them happy.

Although some may show early aptitude for the arts, sciences or calculating dividends, others have a penchant for a spunky jeu de mots, a well-placed gif and a nicely photographed baked good.

If your child is exhibiting any of the following traits, you are undoubtedly raising a HL Blogger:

  1. She shows a sincere appreciation for subtle puns like “I was going to have Cheerios again, but I think I’ll switch it up just for Kix.”
  2. When taking a multiple choice quiz, she responds with both the answer to the question, as well as a comment.
  3. When told to go to bed he responds “5 more minutes! The Australians have just posted.”
  4. When everyone else is swapping lunches in the cafeteria, she is busy photographing hers.
  5. When told to go play outside, he first inquires about the WOD.
  6. She gets more excited about a well placed GIF than a well meaning gift.
  7. When asked why he hasn’t turned in a homework assignment in over a week he replies “I have Writer’s Block, and I’d rather turn in nothing than something I’m not proud of.”
  8. When she refers to her friends you can’t be sure if she means her classmates, or other bloggers she has never technically met in real life.
  9. Her idea of a childhood prank involves hiding kale in smoothies so her friends don’t know they’re eating healthy.
  10. When asked what she wants to read before bed, she replies “Bloglovin.”

If you recognize any of these traits in your dependent, there is a good chance you have a future healthy living blogger in your household.

What healthy living bloggers looked like circa 1987

What this healthy living blogger looked like circa 1987

Indulge their recipe fantasies, encourage their word play and above all teach them how to monetize a blog sooner rather than later.

 

Questions:

If you blog, have you always enjoyed writing?

What was your favorite subject growing up? Does it have anything to do with what you’re doing now?

If you have kids, do they like to write? Do they read blogs??

 

So I had the idea for this post, wrote it in the title, then forgot about it for a full year. When I opened the draft recently hoping to find some helpful prompts or witticisms, turns out all Past Charlotte had written for Future Charlotte was “do some research.” Thanks young biatch.

So I did some research and basically it all boils down to the following: Muscles are like people.

muscles they're just like us

I’ll explain in 8 points:

8. Muscles are like people, they remember things.

Muscle memory is the theory that repeated movements will come back to the doer, even if it’s been a while since they were last done. This is the reason you never forget how to ride a bike.

It’s also the reason you inexplicably remember all the words to Tiffany’s “I Think We’re Alone Now,” and that snappy dance she did in the video even though you haven’t tried to imitate it since 1989 (ok, 2009).

7. Muscles are like people, sometimes they forget those things.

While your muscles may remember these movements, you can’t always pick right back up where you left off. This is why even though at one time you had the final dance from Girls Just Want to Have Fun (starring a young Sarah Jessica Parker, Helen Hunt and Shannen Doherty) fully memorized and nailed (except for the flips and stuff), if you managed to remember the whole thing today, your body wouldn’t be as forgiving with some of the high kicks.

girls just wanna have fun dance

6. Muscles are like people, they need routine.

Muscles develop by doing something over and over again. It makes them better, stronger and more efficient. This is true for both daily routines and dance routines like the one Stephanie Tanner did to Motown Philly.

5. Muscles are like people, they hit plateaus and get depressed about it.

Just like an apathetic office worker, a bored muscle will never progress. (However unlike office workers, muscles will spare you from the melodramatic existential crisis that usually ensues.)

chandler im gonna die alone

4. Muscles are like people, they have to be alert to accomplish things.

How much work gets done before coffee? (Haha work, I’m not even confident I’m fully human before coffee.) Wake those muscles up!

3. Muscles are like people, they have to be properly motivated to perform at their peak.

While you can bribe people with money (or in my case all it takes is something caffeinated), muscles are motivated by variety.

2. Muscles are like people, they have a love/hate relationship with surprises.

Your muscles will be kinda mad at you for making them achey, but they will also be happy you switched things up because it made them stronger (and shows you care.)

1. Muscles are like people, they get confused rather easily.

This is good news- it means little changes to your workout routine go a long way.

 

There are still two camps to this theory, some say you must confuse your muscles by switching up your routine every 1-2 weeks to see results. The other camp says consistency yields higher rewards.

I say, find some things you love to do and do them often.

Thinking-Out-Loud2

 

Thanks for hosting, Amanda!

 

Questions:

What do you do- keep your workouts consistent or mix it up?

Who has the better memory- you or your muscles?

Do you like surprises?

Once upon a time (and in some parts of the world today) it was believed that a literate woman was a ruined woman. To this I respond– it depends what she chooses as reading material.

Based on the current climate of women’s interest magazines I fear this may have been a self-fulfilling prophecy. I, for one, feel intellectually ruined every time I walk by a newsstand.

To piggyback off Kelly and Jen from last week, the headlines, content and photographs are, at best– dumb and at worst– unhealthy.

Let’s take a look at the unmarketable truth:

On Female Empowerment:

While wearing a trendy shade of lip gloss will certainly brighten a face, it does not an empowered woman make. To become more empowered I suggest taking up interest in the sciences.

While wearing a little blush will certainly brighten the face, it does not an empowered woman make. To become more empowered I suggest taking up interest in the sciences.

 

On Intelligence:

While being wittier than a piece of chocolate cake is an admirable trait, it does not a smart woman make. To become smarter I suggest taking up interest in the humanities.

While being wittier than a piece of chocolate cake is an admirable trait, it does not a smart woman make. To become smarter I suggest taking up interest in the humanities.

 

On Strength:

While starving oneself is commendable when major surgery is booked for the following day, it does not a strong a woman make. To become stronger I suggest lifting heavy things.

While starving oneself is always a good idea before major surgery, it does not a strong a woman make. To become stronger I suggest lifting heavy things.

 

On Motherhood:

While dropping baby weight quickly is fine so long as it's not the actual infant from your arms, it does not a good mother make.  To become a good mother I suggest being attentive to one's offspring.

While dropping baby weight quickly is fine so long as it’s not the actual infant from your arms, it does not a good mother make. To become a good mother I suggest being attentive to one’s offspring.

 

On Beauty:

While sticking ones finger in one's mouth is understandable if there's food caught in a lower incisor, it does not a beautiful woman make. To be more beautiful I suggest being kind.

While sticking one’s pinky in one’s mouth is understandable if there’s food caught in a lower incisor, it does not a beautiful woman make. To be more beautiful I suggest being kind.

 

On Happiness:

While being slim is certainly good for fitting through narrow crevices and crawl spaces, it does not a happy woman make. To be happier I suggest being thankful.

While being slim is certainly good for fitting through narrow crevices and crawl spaces, it does not a happy woman make. To be happier I suggest being thankful.

 

On Being Interesting:

(No such article has ever appeared in a women’s interest magazine)

While careful and deliberate cultivation of a quirk may certainly win you points with some, it does not an interesting woman make. To be more interesting I suggest taking genuine interest in something other than oneself.

 

Questions:

Favorite magazine? Least favorite magazine?

From where do you get most of your health and fitness advice? (Blogs, mags, books, other?)

The same 3 headlines appear on almost every women’s interest magazine, every month, in different words– name those 3 headlines!

 

 

Happy Rosh Hashana, friends! (Or, as my friend Elyse taught me years ago, L’Shana Tova!)

And happy Thinking Out Loud Thursday! Thank you all so much for your helpful comments on dealing with Writer’s Block on Tuesday’s post. I probably wouldn’t have been able to pull this post together without your inspiring words :)

While I normally do TOL in Top 8 List style, today my thoughts are rather long winded, so I cut the list down to 3 things for the sake of everyone’s attention spans.

Thinking-Out-Loud2

Let’s continue.

Thought #1: Last year I recounted a conversation I had with my mother, and I think it’s time the internet once again bear witness to the latest exchange:

Yesterday morning my mother called me before work.

Upon hearing me mumble something sleepy resembling “hello” into the phone, she replied “good moooorning” in an upbeat sing-songy voice, which is nothing out of the ordinary.

While I buried my face further into my pillow she continued in song, inquiring about my well-being and agenda for the day before casually mentioning, in the key of C, that “today is Sing Your Words Day.”  

Sensing my reluctance to participate she quickly added: “As is customary the day before Rosh Hashanaaaa.”

While I had the nagging suspicion she was making this up, I went right along with it because while I may be many things, ‘defier of imaginary traditions’ is not one of them.

So I sang the sentence: “I don’t remember doing this last year…”

To which she sang back: “Well then, think harder dear…”

And then we harmonized on the “dear” until I needed another sip of coffee.

high notes

 

 

Thought #2:  In other news, I regret to inform you all that Boston rats seem to have lost their sense of urgency.

As I approached a rat on the sidewalk yesterday evening expecting it to scamper, as rats do, I was disappointed that this rat had taken it upon himself to disprove the old adage that it is more afraid of me than I am of it.

After a prolonged staring contest, the rat blinked first and sauntered shamelessly back into the bush from whence it came.

This leads me to the conclusion that rats have forgotten their place in society, which I blame entirely on mass media’s irresponsible portrayal of precocious vermin in movies like Ratatouille and Stuart Little.

ratatouille

 

 

Thought #3: In other things-that-don’t-know-their-place news, my glasses are refusing to stay on my nose lately. I could just make a reminder on my phone to get them tightened, but since we’re thinking out loud today, y’all are getting in on that information.

 

Questions:

Where’s your favorite place to sing- car? shower? other?

What’s your biggest phobia? (Rats are mine, who’s with me?)

What’s something weird your family does?

(Thanks for hosting, Amanda!)