So, the general diet philosophy to which this blog subscribes is: everything in moderation.

In the past, however, I wasn’t always so loosey-goosey with my eating habits. I was queen of trying whatever new diet sounded snazziest. Yep, I would enthusiastically hop on the latest restrictive diet bandwagon, and happily check my common sense and nutritional needs at the door. I would inevitably start chomping on a piece of sugar-free gum while telling someone about how I can only eat almonds for the next 14 hours, until the day I realized I sounded like a crazy person.

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Following rules like only eating meat or only eating raw foods makes about as much sense, in my opinion, as only sitting on things that are purple.

Now I am not a dietitian so I can only speak to what I’ve noticed works for me- but when I cut out a certain food group, I end up over compensating with another food group. This compensation just leads to more calories and suddenly I’m still hungry, still feeling deprived, but still somehow eating more than I normally would. (oh hello, binge)

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Maybe I’m just the worst dieter ever (almost definitely true) but I’m happiest when I’m working out regularly and eating a little bit of everything.

I simply say this as a person who has literally tried every single restrictive diet at some point, failed miserably at each, and has therefore earned the right to make fun of them all.

How is it possible that I’ve tried all the diets, you wonder? Well, because there are only really like, four different diets out there, all of which get re-packaged and re-marketed as something completely new every couple of years.

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I don’t know about you, but I turn into the biggest sucker every time a new diet developed by someone fit, attractive and with a medical degree hits the media. I get so excited that after thousands of years as a species someone has finally thought of this whole new way for me to turn edible things into energy by putting them into my mouth.

Alas, it’s always just the same old diets in fancy new clothes. In fact, I probably already own the book under a slightly different title, but that doesn’t stop me from buying the new one.

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Give that marketing team a raise.

If you haven’t tried all the diets, I’m going to save you the agony and give you the Spark Notes versions of each:

Protein heavy/ high fat/caveman diets:

To be honest, I’m surprised this is still a thing. Granted I’m also the girl who bet against the success of Wii and the iPad, so I obviously don’t have the best track record for choosing things that have staying power. Perhaps it’s because the foods on this diet do tend to be delicious, and it seems to actually work for some people according to everything I’ve read. But, I still wonder about the long term effects.

I mean, most cavemen lived on tubers like rutabaga, not bacon and pork rinds. And according to the discovery channel, most women died by the age of 30, so I really don’t get what we’re all so nostalgic about. In my opinion, it should be okay to enjoy the agricultural benefits of the neolithic revolution without guilt.

Raw foods:

There’s nothing wrong with eating a lot of veggies and sushi. That’s a cool thing to do. But did it really need to become a movement? Personally, my social life went downhill fast when I started morphing into the “I’ll just have the salad” girl. Maybe everybody who stopped getting invited to things decided to ban together and this is the club those people formed. I’m just not down with it.

And I’m aware that I’m over simplifying what is actually a very diverse group of people who all operate under the category of rawism, but I don’t buy that all the toxins will suddenly toxify me if heaven forbid I cook my steak.

No sugar/carbs:

I don’t like that this one restricts fruit and sugary veggies so much. I’m all for cutting back on sugar from time to time in order to get your body back in balance, but, it’s not a sustainable lifestyle. Plus as Gwyneth Paltrow said in a recent interview, when she deprives her and her family of carbs they are all “left with that specific hunger”.

Um, life is too short to feel that specific hunger voluntarily. Doesn’t that just sound awful? Ugh I have felt that specific hunger, and yes, it is awful. I mean, don’t go crazy and eat muffins all day long, but have an apple or a piece of toast or something. It’s ok. Your body will thank you. Besides, if you’re like me, you end up replacing sugar with artificial sweeteners and that is 10 times worse anyways.

Low fat/ no fat:

Ugh aren’t you STARVING??

And that pretty much sums it up. Any other diet you can think of probably fits into one of these categories somehow. (I’m not even going to count juice fasts and cleanses because those are different and only last for a few days. I personally can’t finish one, so kudos to you if you can. )

Plus, what’s worse than the physical discomfort of these diets is the emotional turmoil you put yourself through when you eat something you shouldn’t. How bad do you feel when you’re on Sugar Busters and you eat a piece of cake at a birthday party? SO BAD.

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That type of self-abuse is horrible and it makes you miss the larger picture. You’re at a birthday party, someone you love just turned a year older and you are there celebrating with them and having delicious foods. All that stress you’re stirring up by hating yourself after eating that cake is doing way more damage than that one piece of cake ever could.

What is your “food philosophy”?

If I have misjudged or criticized any of the above diet plans too harshly, please chime in! I’m always interested in what works for others, that’s why I have a blog :)