You know when someone asks you “if you could do any sport in the Olympics, what would it be?” Most people say something awesome like downhill skiing, luge, gymnastics, swimming or running. Not me. My answers are always the same: ping pong and curling.  And no, I don’t have to choose because ping pong is a summer game and curling, winter.

Not to brag, but ping pong is my sport.

Kramer-ping-pong-smash-Seinfeld

I have never tried curling, but I feel like I could get the hang of it pretty quickly.

2010_Winter_Olympics_-_Curling_-_Women_-_USA

I’ve essentially been training for this sport my entire life. Not only do I Swiffer the floors in my apartment on a weekly basis, but I was born and raised in the northeast. I’ve had experience walking quickly on icy surfaces in sneakers for nearly 3 decades worth of winters. Correct me if I’m wrong, but with those qualifications I think I’m a shoo-in.

Anyways, back to ping pong. Growing up, my family had a ping pong table in our house. It was the place where many ridiculously competitive friendly tournaments were played and it was the place where many disagreements were settled. Can’t figure out who’s turn it is to play Sega? Take it to the table. Best out of three points.

To the victor go the spoils

To the victor go the spoils

It was also the place where many victory laps were run. You see, in my family, a “good winner” was whoever could come up with the most excessive victory dance. And if you sang a song about winners ruling and losers drooling, even better.

 

To be honest, my mother usually won best dance.

Needless to say, with that kind of motivation to spur us on, we all got very good, very quickly. I normally don’t have the best hand-eye coordination, but if I happen to be standing at one end of a ping pong table, watch out. I own you. And yes, I trash talk in ping pong.

See this below? Amateur stuff. You want to see some real ‘pong, hang out with my family over a holiday when everyone is around and there is something important on the line like bragging rights or the last piece of pie.

table-tennis

(For the record, the only other sport I trash talk in is Words with Friends.)

You know, I’m not sure what spurred on this post considering it’s not an Olympic year and neither ping pong nor curling are ever “topical”, oh wait, scratch that, I remember…

It’s because What Would Ryan Lochte Do premiered over the weekend and I recently saw a bunch of commercials for it, which got me thinking about Olympics stuff. Did anyone see the WWRLD premier? Was it good? Just kidding- how bad was it??

If you could do any sport in the Olympics, what would it be??